


Frayed

by ranzeru



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Eventual Romance, Fate, Fate & Destiny, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Red String of Fate, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-04-14 04:50:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14128437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranzeru/pseuds/ranzeru
Summary: A Red String of Fate AU -Where soulmates are connected by a red thread that may stretch or tangle but never breakSome people are lucky enough that the string makes itself visible to themSome people - like Tony Stark - refuse to believe in the notion of soulmates until a tragic circumstance forces him to. But why when he finally starts to believe in something, despite himself is his unbreakable red thread frayed and fragile?





	1. Death of a Bachelor

**Author's Note:**

> amazing cover art by nicaminoru on tumblr - sorry your beautiful work had to wait quite a while to see the lgiht - it took me twice as long to gather the balls to port

 

To say that Tony Stark was recalcitrant was an understatement. Defiance was unavoidable, embedded in his bones, coursing through his veins. There was something about being told what to do and how a person was supposed to be that made him do the opposite. It had become second nature to him that more often than not he didn't even realize that he was doing it- an automatic reflex to defy. So naturally, when he got old enough to learn and understand the Red String every fiber of his being itched to reject it. It was nothing but a myth to him, an intangible, romanticized idea to salve broken hearts.  _ She wasn’t meant for you; he wasn't the one.  _ And the person can move on without regrets, sleep past the tears. 

The Red String of Fate of course was real. It was the invisible, unbreakable cord that connected two souls to one another, destined to be together regardless of place and circumstance. Kismet, predestination,; To Tony that meant that he was bound to a choice he didn’t make. So he fought against it, though he swore up and down that he didn’t believe in such a ridiculous notion. He dated - or slept with - or whatever with whomever he chose, whomever he wanted. It wasn’t hard, he was Tony Stark, most eligible bachelor, gorgeous, genius, rich. Women, girls, even guys lined up at his door, tripping over themselves, at his feet, for even just one night, one hour with Tony Stark. He knew as much and he took advantage of it. It was his way of flipping the Red String the bird. The weird thing was Tony seemed to have always been aware of the String, felt the tug on his little finger and a buzz in the back of his head, like his own soul was warning him that whoever he was with was not the right one even though 1) it was was supposed to be invisible and 2) he absolutely did not believe in it. Subconsciously, without even realizing it, he was probably also looking for the other end of his. The problem was, those Red String feelings were there with every single person he had been with- and Tony Stark was neither young nor inexperienced- and none of the relationships worked out. And if after all those relationships, even that one long term one that he really tried to keep, he still had not found the one that was meant for him, then really there was no such thing. So Tony chalked up the tugging feeling to his imagination, a manifestation of some sort of guilt for going against a higher power he didn’t even believe in.

Until. 

Until last night. 

Until he died.

Well, sort of.

When he opened his eyes he was assaulted by the color white- bright white lights, and white walls, and white sheets, and if color could have a scent, it would have smelled white. He turned his head to survey the rest of the room; to his left was a white chair where a figure in - surprise! - white was huddled. Slowly, the man unfolded himself. And _ oh, damn _ , that was when he knew. _ This was it, _ he thought. Because if he was here, in this room, that only meant one thing.

“Hey, dad,” he said, probably out loud, he wasn’t sure. His voice sounded different to him, hoarse but echoing and hollow. “I’m dead, aren’t I?” And thought that unsettled him, there was a peace to it, a calm surrender.

“Tony,” stern as ever Howard Stark said by way of greeting. He looked just as Tony remembered him; eyes darkened with a scowl permanently painted on his face, his mustache meticulously trimmed. “What have you done?” _ Damn, _ he thought, even in death Daddy’s disappointment was following him. 

Tony sat up from his bed. “Okay, this was not my fault,” Except he knew that it was. Getting piss drunk and driving was never a good combination, and he knew that.. Only an idiot didn't know that. It was the sole reason why Happy existed: so he could get piss drunk, make it home safely and pass out on the couch or the bed and not behind a steering wheel. _ Okay, Happy also existed for other things, but mostly this because getting drunk happened a lot. _ But drinking and driving didn’t, in fact this was the first time since even before his parents’ death, since his teenage years, that this had happened. Because as reckless as Tony was, as derelict as he was to his health and body, he took great pains to avoid car accidents; a fear that was probably rooted with the loss of his parents, though he would never admit it.

So why was Tony behind the wheel after having a meeting with the bottom of two whiskey bottles? Because Pepper. Because Tony was an idiot but also because Pepper. Pepper who was warm and commanding, whose red hair captured the glow of the sun in way that made her seem like a firecracker personified. She was kindness and determination, headstrong and patient. She was who Tony needed. She was the one, right? She had to have been. He wanted her to have been. Because Pepper knew who and what he was, and saw the mess that he was and still managed to love him and stay with him- until she didn’t. And Tony could hardly blame her. Who could blame her? He was volatile and infantile, puerile in every sense. He obsessed and he drank and he ran and he hid from his own emotions, his own demons. He was every bit the disappointment Howard Stark told him he was. But he did love Pepper, that was his one truth, he just couldn’t prove it and show it enough for her.

And Pepper loved him, surely. 

But even sweet, patient Pepper had enough. 

She left. 

She left him with but a kiss on the cheek and a tear-stained shirt. 

Tony needed to forget. Tony needed to drown his emotions the only way he knew how, because if they couldn’t show themselves to Pepper in the right way, why in the hell are they showing up now?

The problem was alcohol had not been enough to suppress his thoughts. So Tony stumbled his way into his car, knowing there was only one other way he could forget to think. He slumped into the seat, his forehead leaning against the wheel, his arms, devoid of any motivation, hung limply at his side. In a brief moment of clarity, the thought occurred to him that it was not a good idea to drive and drive fast at this moment - not when he could barely hold himself upright. But the scene two bottles ago replayed in his head on an endless loop. 

“Tony,” she had said, quietly, with the hint of tired exasperation. Tears fell from her eyes. She always cried at the end of a particularly bad argument- not hysterically,, not because she was fragile, but because she’d held on to so much mental strength that by the end of it, her emotions let go on their own. 

His name was all she had said and though it came out barely a whisper, it rang with finality. There was nothing else left to be said really, both their hearts had fully broken, their life as Tony and Pepper had disintegrated, with that one mention of his name. Tony remembered churning his brain for something to say. For the first time he didn’t dare say the first thing that popped in his brain. In that few seconds of silence between them he had flipped through several one-liners, apologies, pleas, anything to diffuse the situation, to forget that that particular moment existed. He followed the trajectory of each dialogue in his mind and he knew that anything he would have said out loud would only make things worse between them. So instead he stood there. His brown eyes pleaded with hers but Pepper only looked back at him with exhaustion and determination. She had made her decision, a decision Tony knew she didn’t want to make but she had to, and her mind was made up. He casted his glance towards the floor in a silent surrender. For a moment he thought there was a loosening feeling around on his pinky but he shook the notion away. Pepper mistook the gesture for something else and stepped closer until she was face to face with Tony. Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around his shoulder. He stood immobilized, undecided whether or not he should return the gesture. Then she hid her face on his shoulders, with her eyes pressed tightly against him, he could feel the wetness of her tears seep through his shirt. She smelled like flowers, the gentle kind, like the ones you probably see growing next to a waterfall. He used to find comfort in it, now he realized the scent might forever be laced with a bitter memory. He wondered then if he would still think it gentle later on or would it be cursed as offensive. She planted a gentle peck on his cheek, light and quick, his only kiss goodbye. Before Tony’s arm could catch up to his brain to lift them up and return the embrace, she let go all together. 

And all Tony had was a kiss on the cheek and a tear-stained shirt.

The hole in his chest that Pepper left just kept getting bigger and bigger swallowing him in a new kind of darkness- one that was not his friend. With each passing second that he was sitting still, his throat closed up and the air thickened and it was harder to breathe. That was when he had decided that he needed the wind to remind him that air existed. He fumbled with the keys, trying to get it into the ignition but he couldn’t quite put it through the keyhole, as if his hand had a mind of its own, rebelling against him. He turned the key as soon as he got it in, leaving no room for him to change his mind and take it back out. The engine gave a quiet roar to life, his seat rumbled sending a familiar, comforting excitement through his veins. His heart thumped fast in anticipation, competing with the tightening feeling of his chest, reminding him that he was still alive. Having no full control of his limbs, the car lurched when he stepped too heavily on the gas pedal and then very quickly on the brakes. He was sober enough to be thankful for having the car already in the driveway and sparing his other cars in the garage. He took a breath, rubbed his eyes, and put all his concentration to carefully step on the pedal once more. But speed was what Tony was looking for, longing for. He needed the high speed wind to remind him that air existed for him to breathe in; that Pepper did not steal that away from him along with his heart. 

As Tony drowned in the infinite loop of his drunken thoughts, the shoulda-coulda-wouldas that he knew were all illogical, his foot pressed harder on the pedal. The cold air around him coaxing him further and faster as it raised his goosebumps. The faster he went, the more his mind turned off. His world blurred, both from alcohol and the speed. Until for the first time since Pepper walked out of his building, he felt sufficiently intoxicated, numb to the world and mentally empty. There was just the night, the speed, and the wind. He was Tony Stark and Tony Stark owned the world.

The roads were uncharacteristically emptier, though it was around two in the morning by that point. He had no particular destination and somehow he had found himself on the roads that zig-zagged way more than it straightened. He did not get very far until one particularly wide left turn lost to his speed. HIs tires skidded in protest as he tried to regain control of the turn to no avail. The car’s rear end spun out of control and his tail hit the wall of dirt and rock that gilded the road and caused him to spin again. His front bumper hit the same wall and curved under his front tires. He flipped once and once more and he was back upright but the damage had been done. Shaken and drunk his senses were dulled but he could smell smoke and taste the coppery tang of his own blood. It rained glass, and metal, and debris and dust on him which further blocked his vision. His fingers felt slick with blood and he might have pressed the emergency button built in on his car but he couldn’t know for sure. 

He closed his eyes to blink but everything went dark and the world disappeared. 

Until he came to in the white room and suddenly he would have preferred to be in that crash instead.

He would rather face the injury than confront his father because see, it wasn’t his fault.  _ Why were the roads zig-zagged like that anyway? Didn’t they know that was such a dangerous design?  _

“What have you done with your life, son?” His father asked him grimly; the word “son” more laced with despondence than with endearment.

That was not even fair, though. “I’ve rebuilt your company and mine reached higher heights that you could even imagine. I’ve developed technology decades ahead of its time - technology that no one else had even thought about,” he told his father, defiantly, he hoped, if only to catch his father’s stern gaze to stumble. And it was the truth, Stark Industries had ruled the economy and had expanded way beyond the confines of its weapons department. It had only grown exponentially with Tony spearheading scientific research and advancement. He had hoped for pride, even rage, from his father, anything but the residing grim disappointment on his father’s face. He didn’t get it, Howard Stark just stood there. Even without his father speaking, Tony knew what he was thinking and that he was right. Despite Stark Industries’ shining achievement, he had squandered his life into booze, and drugs, and other vices. So  _ yes, Tony Stark, what have you done with your life, son? _

“Whatever,” Tony resigned. Then he let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head. “Is this my afterlife? An eternity of torturous lectures from you?” he asked his ghost-father. “Because, damn, I guess I deserve this, what the hell.”

And then he thought quite incredulously how ridiculous his death had been - how utterly normal it was. He didn’t die in battle as a hero in an armored suit he always dreamt of building as a child. No, Tony Stark died in a very non-glorious car accident. He laughed inwardly at the ironic predestination tune of it - suffering the same fate his parents had - the same fate he’d so carefully tried to avoid.

Then his vision swam and and the room swirled before him all the while his body remained still. He felt disoriented, in the same way one would after staring too long at a kaleidoscope. This all felt okay because he was dead and this was just the kind of stunt afterlife would pull. He squinted to keep his vision steady but the room steadied itself anyway. It was still the same infuriatingly white place but without his infuriating disappointed father. He couldn’t decide whether to feel relief or dread by that absence. He propped himself up off the bed using his elbow - not that he needed the extra boost to see if there was anything else in the sparse room. No sooner than that a red glow appeared in front of him. He plopped himself back down on the bed, if only to protect his eyes, the red appearing brighter against the stark whiteness of the room. It started to take the shape of a person but the glow remained with an extension over his left hand

_ Great, looks like I’m getting  _ Christmas Carol’d _ here, _ he thought. He half expected Santa Claus to appear before him except it was in the middle of July. But it wasn’t Santa Claus. It was what would be Santa Claus and Death’s offspring if they ever mated. And then he wondered why he ever thought about Santa and Death mating. He must still be drunk, it was the only plausible explanation for these kinds of ideas.  _ Could you get drunk in the afterlife? Maybe it carried over. At least I’d avoid a hangover-- _ he would have continued to digress if not for Death-Santa taking a sharper shape. The edges of the red glow began to rescind except for the one over his left hand- that one remained, completely obscuring it. He held his hand up but the glow followed so it just looked like he was wearing a light-up glove.

Death-Santa should have been a frightening sight: a hooded figure floating in midair in an oversized loose blood-red robe that clung to skin (if there was skin underneath) - his silhouette  was the only indication that whatever was under there was anthropomorphic - the excess fabric billowing though there was no wind, with the sleeves so long they concealed his hands (if there were hands under there). The hood completely concealed whatever face he would have had; from where Tony was sitting it looked like an eternal shadow. 

“Okay, who--” Tony began though there was no fear in him, just curiosity.

“Tony Stark,” Death-Santa said in admonishment though his voice did not directly come from him but rather it echoed from the room itself like the way a surround sound system would have worked,

Tony looked around in amusement and then deciding that despite the origin of the voice, he should probably be facing Death-Santa, he looked back at the red figure. “That name’s already taken,” he said with a smirk.

“What have you done with your life?” Death-Santa bellowed, his voice seemingly laced with annoyance.

“You too, huh?” Tony replied. Evaded. “:Listen, bud, Dad was already here and he already said that. Frankly it’s a little embarrassing for you to copy his act and you are the better looking one. You should totally fire your screenwriter because--”

Death-Santa lifted one hand - sleeve - and pointed? At Tony’s still glowing left hand. On cue Tony’s hand lifted as well, following Death-Santa’s nonverbal command on its own.

“Hey, hey, not cool!... Whoa,” Tony’s concern quickly turned into bewilderment when the glow over his hand faded and revealed at his left pinky a Red String. Death-Santa was no Death-Santa at all. Nor was he the Ghost of Christmas Present. He was simply the Red String of Fate Dude. Tony did not believe in any of those three. But then again he was dead. “That’s not real,” he said unintelligently.

“You have a second chance at  _ love, _ Tony Stark, do not waste it. Tick-tock.” 

“See, that’s a much better line.”

All at once, the white room and the Red String of Fate Dude dissolved, fading to black and then there was nothing but darkness. 

Tony closed his eyes.


	2. Coffee's For Closers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony orders a cup of coffee and gets a soulmate on the side

It had been some time since Tony’s car accident and he felt the full sting of cabin fever. Though he was not fully recovered, he was thankfully no longer completely bedridden and was free to be discharged from the hospital. Not that it would have stopped him from getting up anyway, much to Happy’s chagrin, Tony was not made for confined immobility and had become a misery to anyone who had tried to get him to stay on the bed. Nor could Happy get him to stay in the car, apparently. As soon as discharged papers were signed and Tony was free of the hospital gown, he turned to his bodyguard-chauffeur-confidant-friend and said with a sly smile, “I’m walking home.” He was out the door before Happy could muster up a reply. 

The newly embedded metal piece on his chest persistently left a foreign tightness whenever he took a step. The chest piece was apparently surgically placed by one, Dr. Yinsen. The accident literally tore a hole in his chest and left metallic debris in his bloodstream. Death should have been inevitable for him but innovative Dr. Yinsen came up with the idea of a magnetic hardware to continuously pull the debris away from his heart. 

He recalled the first time he met the old doctor, he was still drugged up from being under anesthesia for so long. His senses came back to him slowly. He remembered being at once assaulted by beeps and dings and a variety of loud noises that blurred into one commotion. Faintly, he could smell the coppery tang of blood and strongly, the offensive smell of disinfectant. There was a new type of tightness in his chest, like he had been hit there several times over. His body wanted to remain numb to it but the soreness persisted. There was a dull ache everywhere else, not sparing his face. It hurt to grimace, he found, when he instinctively reacted to being assaulted by his environment. It took some time before he recovered enough to pull himself out of the drowse but gradually he was able to distinguish and categorize the commotion around him. He dared to open his eyes, just in tiny slits and immediately regretted the decision when the brightness of the first light pretty much stabbed his retinas - so he just laid there, fluttering his eyelids a thousand times and hurting from the minute muscle movement. 

“Mr. Stark?” he thought he heard. “Mr. Stark..?” he definitely heard. “My name is Dr. Yinsen, you’ve been in an accident and you’ve been in surgery in this hospital. Are you able to understand?”

Dr. Yinsen had an accent on him that Tony couldn’t place. The old doctor explained the details of the events that occurred since Tony had been in the hospital though those Tony was still a bit too disoriented to completely follow. He didn’t actively listen until Dr. Yinsen got to telling him about the chest piece. “A crazy idea,” the doctor had said. He wasn’t even sure it was going to work but it was in part inspired by Tony’s own engineering ingenuity. Surprisingly, Tony wasn’t bothered by the new implant, it was actually cool- he was part cyborg now and whatever crude technology had pieced it together, he’d just upgrade. A new project to look forward to.

To close their meeting Dr. Yinsen said, “You have a second chance at  _ life _ , Mr. Stark. Please, don’t waste it.” 

A chill ran down Tony’s spine. His trip to Wonderland flooded him with no warning, relentless. He might have fainted. 

He rubbed on the smooth metal absent-mindedly as he walked, its magnet hummed as if in reply. He ached for a drink, if only to quiet his mind again but after the accident, the guilt left a lumpy aftertaste in his throat far worse than the metallic tang of his chest piece. He would settle for a really strong coffee instead. Really strong.

He walked into a random coffee shop but he didn’t realize it was one of those places where the “kids” with the flannels and the beanies and the Macbooks or the sketchbooks and the earbuds or the headphones and the piercings and tattoos parked themselves. It was a place where the guys wore the ponytail and the gals wore the buzzcut. The only reason he didn’t look like a fish out of water was because he was sporting a casual black hoodie and full grown beard instead of his usual suit and impeccable goatee. His hair too was a few inches longer, untamed by any product and curling at the ends. He felt all eyes on him as we walked the seemingly long trek from the door to the counter though really, no one paid him any attention for more than half a second. Instinctively, his left hand flew to his chest to cover up the piece that actually wasn’t even exposed at all. The red string on his pinky, still visible to him even if the “dream” itself had felt more like a figment at this point, winked at him. He was forced, then, to believe the reality of the Red String.

“Red-eye, please, to-go,” he said to the bored looking barista whose face had more piercing than actual face.

As soon as he got his drink, he made his way quickly to the door fully decided that he was not going to stay in the place, though he had no desire to be home. He figured he needed to let Happy know about his general location before the gentle giant sends out a search party for him though. With both the phone and his coffee occupying his hands, he turned his back to push the door open. Too focused on the text message and not spilling his coffee, Tony didn’t notice the incoming person from the other side of the door until he was nearly dropping his phone and was wearing almost half of his coffee.

“Whoa, watch it, dumbass,” was all the other person said, completely devoid of remorse while he walked into the cafe without looking back. Having had none of his coffee, Tony’s first instinct was to want to punch his pretty little pony-tailed head. Instead, he swung back into the cafe, grabbed a handful of napkins and sped right out into the sidewalk to get himself together.

Tony only calmed down after he caught himself grumbling a complaint to particularly no one about why he had to wake up from his coma and rejoin society. The other guy on the sidewalk who seemed to be having a heated conversation on the phone looked pointedly at him. Not knowing that there was a monopoly on having a bad  day on the sidewalk, Tony held up his drink as an apology and turned away. The guy on the cellphone rolled his eyes. Having unsatisfactorily wiped down his hoodie, he made to toss the soggy napkins into the nearby bin. He caught a glimpse of the red thread around his finger and it was only then that he finally noticed it aggressively tugging on his finger.

“No,” he said to the string, not at all like a crazy person. “You are not making this day worse. Not pony-tail. I’m not trying to find this out today.” Tony kept walking. He recited pi in his head to try and ignore the twitch in his fingers.

3.14159

Twitch.

3.14159265

Tug.

3.141592653589

Pull.

3.14159

No.

3.1415926

Fuck.

“Ok, Tony Stark, you just had to start believing in this nonsense,” Tony said to himself. He wasn’t sure if he really did believe the whole fate thing but the red string was there on his finger. It wasn’t that he was desperate to find his soulmate either, but Tony was the exact cat that curiosity murdered. Exasperated, he followed the visibly longer tail of the red thread with his gaze. He had to turn around and start walking back to the direction of the cafe if he wanted to see the other end. He stopped just a few feet short just staring at his hand and the string-- because maybe he really didn’t want to know. He especially did not want to know that the other end belonged to the asshole that made him take a shower in coffee. At this point, he could easily just leave. He fished out his phone and stared at the screen. He could easily call Happy and he would be here in minutes and Tony could be home and just forget about the String and the stupid dream. But his finger drummed involuntarily against the frame of his phone, the pull of the string begging not to be ignored. 

He dialed Happy’s number but instead of pressing “call” he pocketed the phone. Tony would look back on this moment later on and realize he couldn’t explain why he did. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, the red tail still visible, and he walked on. He rehearsed in his head how he would approach pony-tail. Apologize, perhaps?  _ I’m sorry you walked into me and spilled my drink when you clearly saw me walking out the door? _ Not the best line, Tony admitted, but he was perhaps charming enough that it could work. 

He took a deep breath - not knowing why he was at all anxious; he never was so before - and grabbed the door handle. His finger tugged backwards. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and relief flooded him. He turned to follow the string with his gaze. It didn’t take long for him to find the other end, especially since the finger it was connected to was held high in plain view. 

“Cellphone” was a lot taller now that Tony had a better, longer look. He was also skinnier, but not to say lankier. Underneath that leather jacket, were probably cleanly defined lines of muscles. He paced up and down the sidewalk. He was definitely suspicious looking by now but he still needed to gather data. So far all Tony got was a lot of nothing. Tall and mysterious definitely had an accent. European. Possibly English. Definitely silk. Tony casually leaned against a lamp post, sipping his coffee, trying to subtly eavesdrop. Whatever he was talking about or whoever he was talking with on the phone was definitely souring his day. At one point, British Leather turned just enough for Tony to get a good long look at his face. His eyebrows asymmetrically furrowed in anger or worry or confusion, one tilting higher than the other but it didn’t disfigure his handsome features at all. His green eyes were a bright contrast to his long black hair which reflected the sheen of the sun like oil would. He was gorgeous, that was for sure, and someone Tony would definitely have been attracted to but he wasn’t one for love-at first sight even when fate dictated it. His curiosity was piqued, that one was obvious.

“Fine, Thor, I will think about it,” Oil spill said and then hung up. He ran his fingers through his hair, shoved the phone in his pocket and then walked into the cafe. 

Tony wanted to follow, to keep watching, but he was already in there once and he still had a half-filled evidence of it in his hands. If he wasn’t suspicious before in his dark hoodie, then he would most definitely be if he followed the guy inside.

So Tony settled for knowing two things: one: there was someone named Thor and two: he either needed more nicknames or he needed to figure out this guy’s name. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took too long, I was trying to flesh it out because I realized it was significantly shorter than the first and then my brain gave up :( sorry


	3. Smooth Coffee Jazz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Red String gives Tony a little push

    “Come on, Jarv, there’s gotta be something. Anything,” Tony’s impatience was getting the best of him. It had only been about ten - exactly seven - minutes since his search for “Thor” in cyberspace began. But for his supercomputer ten minutes is an eternity; it could easily comb through multiple databases in seconds. He flipped quickly through his screens, skipping past information he wasn’t looking for.

    “There are,” the AI replied as-a-matter-of-factly. “There are thousands on Norse mythology ,sir. Would you like a refresher on the god of thunder?”

    Tony rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine,” he said after a particularly large exasperated sigh. “But I’m making you come back to this. Open a new file folder and start a comparison chart of metals for me.”

    “I’ll have the chart ready for your review later today. And the search for ‘Thor’ is running in the background.‘”

    “You’re the best, Jarv,” Tony was already halfway drowned in sketching a design for his chest piece. The magnet was doing its job at keeping him alive; the more Tony thought about its science the more he fell in awe of Yinsen’s mind. The magnet was rigged to a battery pack that was clipped at his waistline. That too, he realized was bulky and uncomfortable so his design would have to incorporate both the magnet and the battery and that’s where his flaw came in.

    Bouncing between searching for Thor - well for tall, dark, and the other end of his soul really - and coming up with a sleeker, more efficiently powered chest piece to stay alive oh, and running his company had been eating up his time. A gracious mercy because it wouldn’t allow him to think about Pepper and what he had done after the break up. Occasionally he would remember how it felt to have his heart crushed and be crushed inside a car and breathing became an active struggle. Memories crept up on him like ghosts in his home and in his office. The only partially safe refuge he had was his lab where the times he spent in solitude before meant there were very few memories to come a-knocking. Not-so-surprisingly, too, Tony found himself taking his work and parking himself amongst the mainstream-defiant kids of the cafe where his string met its other end despite his initial distaste of the place. That’s not to say that he loved the place. It was just a new place - one he knew for sure will not remind him of anything Pepper while he healed from that. Pepper was a far greater wound than his chest piece had been, even now when it had been made extremely clear to him that she wasn’t the one for him - and also maybe, just as an added bonus, Tony thought, maybe he’ll catch British Leather there again,    

    It wasn’t at all his intention, Tony kept telling himself. So what if it had been weeks and he still hadn’t been able to see him again? He was just there to get work done without the emotional onslaught and that was actually working. Very few bothered him while he sat in the corner near the window. Sure there are few paparazzis snapping a photo here and there, he was Tony Stark after all, and this was all so slightly uncharacteristic, but that too died down. There were only so many pictures of Tony Stark in casual jeans and tee that could circulate before the world got enough of that. The only emotional onslaught came from the pang of disappointment every time he left the cafe without seeing his guy. Well not his guy, just the guy fate decided was going to be his soulmate. And each disappointment came just because his curiosity couldn’t be satiated. That’s all.

    “You know for a fate thing, you kind of suck,” he told his red-threaded finger. Hope slipped away from him with every day he left the café. Not that he was there for that. Because he wasn’t, remember?

    Tony resolved to drown out the twinge of sadness he refused to admit was there by immersing himself in magnetic coils and power cores. If he wasn’t actively hopeful, then he wouldn’t be disappointed. Reading articles and texts on the matter of his chest piece created a bubble of focus for him that shut out the rest of the world. So when his Red String finally decided to give a tug, he visibly flinched. He glanced around quickly to see if anyone noticed his little violent spasm, but again, no one seemed to care.

Perhaps fate was listening after all. Because there, on the other side of the window, that oil-spill kind of hair bobbed among the crowd and was walking away from him. Away from the café and at a steady rate that would require Tony some catching up.

“You’re gonna make me run? You still suck,” Tony said as he hastily packed his things.. He darted out of the café as if his ass was rocket powered. “You know I have a heart condition, right?” And he was talking to an inanimate object that no one else can see.

He weaved through the crowd, his eyes never losing sight of that raven-black head of hair while he shoved his half packed things in his bag. He followed him into another cafe, one that was less divergent and discordant than the previous one and more business-like. Any other day, perhaps he would have fit in more in this one, but since he’d just finished a sprint and had been living in his hoodie, it seemed he was a little out of place.

His guy headed towards a booth where another guy, apparently waiting for him, sat. He really had to stop calling him his guy though. Tony headed the same direction, choosing to sit in the booth behind his guy but facing in their direction so that he has a full view of the pair. Even though he was Tony Stark and his famous goatee and basically his whole outfit currently made him stick out like a sore thumb, he still hoped he was inconspicuous.

“Thor,” his guy said by way of greeting, though there was no pleasantry there.

“Brother,” the company replied in greeting. Tony was surprised by the relief that washed over him. Up until that point he hadn’t realized that he was hoping the other guy wasn’t in a relationship with the other end of his string. Though it was debatable if they were really brothers. Where his guy was svelte, lean and dark-haired, Thor was burly and muscular with a full head of blonde hair and beard. The only similarity the two had were their accents and the long hair. Besides, the icy tone in which the former took put vast frozen tundra to shame. Tony could tell that Thor wanted a warmer greeting, however. He stood up and gestured as if he was about to engulf his skinnier brother into a hug but perhaps thought better of it and sat down. He settled for “How are you?” instead.

“You wanted to meet?” was the response Thor got, no less icy.

The lines on Thor’s face deepened in defeat. He sighed and then dove right to business. “Have you thought more of what we talked about?”

“I have,” his brother said simply. “The answer hasn’t changed.”

“Brother,” Thor drew out the word like a silent request. Thor leaned forward on the table; his guy leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest as if in defense.

“Do you not find that oxy _moronic_? You call me brother but think about what you are asking me to consider.” The “moronic” part of the word was hyper-emphasized and drawn out.

“I am simply giving you a second option. You know it would be a waste if you stop university now.”

“It’s not a waste if it is to save her life. If I quit I could get a full time job--”

Tony’s ears itched to hear more..

“But doing this will allow you to help save her and still finish both of your degrees.”

 _Two degrees?_ Tony’s interest definitely piqued. Thor’s company remained silent.

“Listen, no, listen to me. I know it’s not the stable career you’re looking for and it’s not the most ideal job, ok? I’m not asking you to do what I do, fuck, you’re still my little brother after all,” the last comment earned Thor a scoff. “But I’m short a person and it’s bank and you and I both know that’s what we need right now. For her, Loki. _For her_. I know you love her, but we all know she loves you more and you’ll break her heart if you quit-- especially if you quit because of her.”

Tony’s heart sank and his mind reeled with the information. He finally got the name he was looking for but it came with a caveat. His guy -- well no that’s not true at all is it? Loki’s not his at all. Loki’s heart belonged to someone else, someone he's willing to give up two degrees for. Why did he keep referring to him like that anyway? Then guilt came a-knocking. Someone was dying and he was being selfish. But wait, fuck, since when did this curiosity turn into something else. All he wanted was to know who his so called soulmate was; he still hadn’t fully believed in the concept. He absolutely did not believe that he would develop any sort of feelings for whoever that person is. So what the fuck was that weird kick in the gut?

“Just come once,” Thor said. “Bartend and host, that’s all. We’ll both get a paycheck and that should be more than enough for this round.” Loki’s face must have shown stubbornness because Thor continued to urge him. “Come on, Loki. It’s perfect timing. You know I’m doing this for her, too. Don’t give me that look, I’m aware of what she will think. Just… just don’t withdraw from any classes until after this party,” What was so bad about this job? Tony wondered. Why was Loki so repulsed at the idea? Tony did not know Thor at all but still, even the big lug did not have a demeanor that meant he was into something shady. Yet Tony heard the disgust both in Loki’s voice and in Thor’s. In a way, it seemed like Thor was embarrassed with his own job. Thor leaned in closer and dropped his voice. Tony barely could make it out but he was pretty sure he heard, “It’s at Justin Hammer’s, come on.”

“I’ll think about it,” Loki finally said.

Thor leaned back in his seat and said back in his normal volume, “Good. Think about it.”

Tony would not be surprised if Loki changed his mind at the drop of Hammer’s name. Justin Hammer may only be second to Tony Stark in ingenuity, company success, and wealth but he was still the second. If Thor and Loki were looking for a hefty payday, they could very well get that from Justin Hammer. Tony had to think about the job again, however. Hammer was not squeaky clean, and this one seemed to stink. But the venue and host was a plus for Tony. Hammer would be his bridge to Loki. If Loki was to bartend the party, it would be child’s play to hang back at the bar and strike up a conversation. Besides, he had been declining Hammer’s party invitations for quite a while, perhaps it was time again to be socialite Tony Stark: genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay OTZ! I saw Infinity War and had to take some time to recover T___T if anyone wants to talk about that let me know lol also this is so short ahhh! so i'll owe you another chapter sooner!


	4. Emperor's New Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is definitely genius, billionaire, philanthropist... but is he still playboy?

“Sir, are you certain you want to attend one of Mr. Hammer’s soirees?” Though an artificial intelligence, Jarvis’ concern was evident. He was perhaps the only one who knew Tony better than Tony himself and the decision to go to a Hammer party was a frank change in behavior. 

Being the world’s number one billionaire meant that people - socialites - clamored for the presence of Tony Stark and though Justin Hammer loathed him, he was no exception. Any party that Tony Stark deemed worthy to attend automatically became the hottest party in town. Hammer had a one sided silent competition going against Tony with everything, and though there wasn’t concrete proof, everyone knew that Hammer didn’t practice the cleanest means to beat him. Still, without even trying, Tony still came out on top. 

Hammer’s parties though received quite the reputation in the inner circles. There were rumors that nothing was off-limits and the menu ranged from something as mild as alcohol to something as wild as pleasure. Now, Tony usually had no qualms against such things if the menu were willing participants. However, this was not always the case as Hammer was prone to cut corners. It was rumored that from time to time Hammer outsourced to trafficking rings but such accusations were never proven and so it remained a rumor.

Either to impress him or to mock him, Hammer never failed to send Tony an invite. Tony never failed to decline because although he was indulgent in all things pleasurable, he found Hammer’s parties a tad deplorable. If he cared, he would think about whether his refusals to go counted as victory for Hammer - for not being able to partake in what was still one of the hottest events. But Hammer never concerned him before. Now he thought that maybe his acceptance of the invitation might actually mean that he was letting Hammer win.

“I don’t,” Tony replied to his A.I.

“I am unclear, sir. Shall I still send your confirmation?”

“Yes.”

“But, sir -”

“I don’t want to go, it’s the last thing I want to do but I have to don’t I?”

“No.”

“I have to. Stringy’s clearly giving me a way in, no matter how sucky, I have to take it,” he wiggled his stringed hand at the camera for his A.I.

“Fate is an abstraction to me, sir. I’m not sure why you follow it.”

“Because it told me to? I don’t know either, Jarv. Just send the thing. Don’t you want me to bring home a new smart person for you to play with?”

“If he was smart, sir, I’m not sure he’d come home with you.”

“Hey! Remember who made you.”

The days leading up to the party made Tony restless. It didn’t help that Hammer apparently confused Tony’s acceptance to attend the party as an acceptance of friendship and would not stop calling and making lunch plans. Hammer Tech still being Stark Industries’ main competitor and Hammer being well, Hammer, it should be no surprise that Tony doubled the effort to dodge him.

To ease his anxiety, Tony worked over time, revisiting company files, meetings, and decision makings - executive things Tony used to hate doing because they made his hands idle. He usually left the majority of things to be taken care of by either Pepper or the board but since Pepper was gone and he didn’t know his board enough to trust them, he took the opportunity to re-learn his company. 

He also spent more time on working on his current pet project - his chest piece. The current one that Dr. Yinsen had crafted for him was too bulky in design and he found that over time it started to feel more and more uncomfortable. Every day there seemed to be more tightness in his chest. When he finally reached out to the good doctor about his concerns, Dr. Yinsen had told him that the chest piece was a temporary solution, that the core inside was primitive and would lose efficacy at some point. But the doctor added that he believed Tony could craft a better piece before the current one loses its life. And Tony believed it, too -- until he ran into the wall he was currently facing. First he couldn’t figure out the right chemical make up with which to power his core without ending up with some sort of metal poisoning. So either die from the bullet fragments, or die from toxicity. Second, for his life, literally, he could not for goodness’ sake come up with the design to contain both the magnetic core and the power source. It had to be small, of course, so that it wouldn’t protrude out of his chest so obviously. It also had to be light to avoid accidental dislodgement. But it also had to be strong and sturdy enough to hold against the magnetic forces of the core. 

But perhaps, Tony’s current biggest battle wasn't reacquainting himself with the company, or putting together pieces that don’t normally fit. Those things were challenges that Tony’s mind relished. They were simple exercises for his brain.

No. Tony’s biggest battle was - up to the the very last minute - what to wear to the party.

An impressive array of suits and shoes and designer outfits and yet Tony could not find just the right one. And this was never before a problem for Tony. Because it wasn’t that he didn’t look good in them - he looked fantastic - impeccable as always. It was because he never before put much thought in the process. Because this time, it mattered what he looked like, it mattered what his first impression was going to be, and it mattered that he wanted to shatter every single bad reputation he built up for himself to the world.

“Fuck, he’s probably not even going to be there, right?”

“I could not say, sir.”

“What do you have on Loki for me?”

“Mr. Loki Odinson, fourth year graduate student for Master’s degrees in Fine Arts and Hardware Engineering Design. He also has a Bachelor’s degree in Fine Arts and a double minor in Physics and Linguistics. His emergency contact is one Thor Odinson, who is indeed his brother but otherwise no other record. There are no current social media accounts for either Odinsons there is however, an old account for Loki. It appears to be an artist page of some sort but the works he has posted on there dates back two to three years.”

“Arts, engineering, and linguistics? He’s confusing. How’s this one?” Tony had donned on a very colorfully geometrically patterned jacket on top of a plain black shirt and gave a slow turn for Jarvis.

“A little loud, sir.”

Tony huffed, aggressively shook of the outfit and disappeared into his closet. “Fine. What else do you have for me? I can’t exactly use that information on the first conversation. It’s a little stalker-ish.”

“You  _ are _ stalking him, sir.”

“Not the point, Jarvis. Black or blue?” He held up two smart suits.

“The black Armani has a sleeker cut and sharper lines however the blue one gives a more casual feel.”

“You read that somewhere.”

“I don’t read information, sir, I process.”

“You are difficult.”

“I remember who made me. Perhaps  _ you’ve _ forgotten.”

“Nope. Bites me in the ass every time. Surely, I’m not as insufferable as you.... You’re not allowed to answer that,” he added quickly before the AI could chime. “Just give me something useful on Loki.”

“Would you like to take a look at his previous art works? Perhaps you could come up with your own game plan to woo the artist.”

“Don’t quit your day job, you fail as a wingman. Fine, blow it up,” Tony said as he made to grab a silver tie. All at once the room was swallowed up by huge projections of Loki’s work. Some were paintings, dark and mysterious and some were metal sculptures, precise and abstract. But all clearly had emotions infused in them in such a way that Tony could not pinpoint. And if Tony absently tying a tie awkwardly around his neck was any indication, the billionaire was left in admiration.

“Lose the tie, sir, and perhaps undo the top button,” his AI advised.

“Tony Stark! As I live and breathe!” A hefty arm fell heavily across Tony’s shoulders and pulled his body into a tighter side embrace against his wishes. “Nice of you to join us. Finally. Couldn’t resist the hottest! sexiest! Party on the block anymore, eh?” And just to be extra annoying, Hammer gave him a good shake.

Justin stunk like he bathed in a vat of cologne. Between that and, the extra loud voice, and the smell of alcohol coming from every breathy exhale Justin took, Tony could barely think straight for a response. The oncoming headache he was feeling was making him regret even setting foot through the door.

“Justin,” Tony patted him on the chest with the awkward greeting and then started to untangle himself from the cologne. “Listen, thanks for the invite but excuse me one second.”

Tony bee-lined to the bar as soon as he was out of Hammer’s reach. Or he tried to at least. The distance between the door and the bar was littered by people wanting to have a second of conversation with him. They kept asking about the car accident and if he was alright and how the company was doing and other things that Tony had no interest in talking about. He turned up the charm, smoothly dodged the questions, and this time, being better aware, also dodged the attempted hugs and slaps on the back. Though he was used to this type of interaction, he currently had no patience for it. He was suffering this party for one reason, and everybody kept him away from it. 

When he got to the bar, the pang of disappointment was so strong he felt like his heart must have dropped all the way to his foot. Behind it, a blonde with a figure that could easily make Betty Boop jealous tended the drinks. She looked like someone Tony might have tried - and probably succeeded - to take home. She only looked more beautiful as he got closer. Her tight ponytail accentuated her facial features, like somehow making them brighter. The dark smokey eye shadow around her bright blue eyes were enough to say “come hither.” Still, she wasn't who he was looking for. She wasn't who he wanted. Not anymore. 

“What can I get you, Mr. Stark?” Everyone knew him. 

“Jack and coke,” he replied absently. Not his poison but it was somehow the first thing he thought of. He was already thinking about leaving. He wasn’t in a party mood, and he didn’t find what he was looking for. He didn’t even drink anymore. He had a mountain of work that, well to be honest, he couldn’t really care less about tonight. He wasn’t going to do any of them but it was a nice excuse.

“Mr. Stark,” the bartender slid the drink toward him with one hand and a tablet with the other. She tapped the napkin that was under his glass to call his attention to it. It was only then that he noticed “#6” written on the corner, obviously in the girl’s handwriting. She turned away with a wink.

Tony knew immediately what was on the tablet and his distaste for it grew. He tried to imagine what he would have thought about the whole arrangement before but couldn’t decide if he would have enjoyed it. Sure, he had his fair share of one night stands but none of them was because money was thrown around. He left the tablet untouched where the girl had left it, and turned to scan the room just so he wouldn’t have to look at the it. Because sure, that girl might have been willing to give him more jack than coke- paid or not- but he was willing to bet that not everyone in that tablet was. He didn’t notice them before, they blended into the environment like room decor would, , but he should have, he thought. The guests of the party engaged very few of them in conversation and when they did, it was with attempted discretion. It was only with that new awareness that Tony noticed Thor, for a big brute he was well practiced in blending in. The blonde was speaking to Hammer, both of them poured over one of the tablets, no doubt attempting some kind of arrangement. Thor seemed to be flipping through the screens, showcasing what it had to offer but from what Tony knows about body language, the host was not open for any negotiations. His hands were in his pockets and he was looking at the screens with complete disinterest though his eyes clearly showed determination. He had made his decision but for whatever reason, Thor was trying to dissuade him from it.

“Surely my assistant could not have messed up a simple Jack and Coke?” Tony knew the voice even without turning around. It was deeper than he’d remembered and silkier now that he was closer. The red string aggressively tugged on his finger with the proximity and he needed no more confirmation. “You’ve been nursing that drink, can I get you something else?”

Tony turned around and was immediately met with clear green eyes. Loki was leaning over the bar and if Tony hadn’t been careful in turning around, there might have been a scandal and not a conversation.

“Were you watching me?” Tony might have been inexplicably nervous but flirting was his game and it automatically kicked in.

“You’re Tony Stark, this might be Justin Hammer’s party, but everyone is watching you,” Loki said nonchalantly as he straightened from the bar. He grabbed a towel from under and a glass from somewhere and began to mechanically dry it. “Probably wondering why you’re alone at the bar and not so much glanced at the… uhm… menu.” Loki cocked his head towards the untouched tablet.

“Ah, not sure I like this method. But the last bartender gave her recommendation,” he waved the napkin.

“If you’re fishing for mine, I’m not on it.”

“Are you recommending yourself? You did ask if you could get me something else.”

Loki raised an eyebrow but said instead, “I’m just here for the drinks.”

Tony’s disappointment hit him like a ton of bricks. “Seems like a shame. I didn’t catch your name,” though he already knew, of course.

Just then someone from the end of the bar called, “Loki.” Tony recognized the figure to be Thor. Loki tapped at his name tag, smiled and said “Excuse me,” before walking over to the other guy.

Tony was left standing alone, feeling Loki’s absence more profoundly than he should have. He tried to eavesdrop on the brothers’ conversation but they were too hushed for him to hear and turning his head towards them would only make him obvious. He picked up the tablet then, if only to look busy. There were only two file folders on the screen, one brown, one black. He tapped open the black one which bloomed into thumbnails of pictures. He picked one at random and flipped through the screens absently - pictures upon pictures of girls and guys with “specialties” and “talents” listed under their names. All there for vultures to pick from. 

“No, Thor! We agreed! We agreed I wouldn't have to do this!” Loki was whispering but he was too angry that it was just loud enough for Tony to hear.

“I know, Loki. I know. But he’s insisting!” Thor was trying and failing to placate him.

“I’m not on the bloody pages, did you tell him that? I am  _ not _ for sale!”

“It’s his party, he can demand anything,” a lame attempt at justification and a confirmation that they were talking about Hammer.

“No.”

“Loki, he’s offering double of the regular fee,” Loki scoffed in disgust. “But if you don’t, he’s refusing to pay for the whole night.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Everything, Loki. The whole night.” Tony fought down the vomit that’s trying to make its way up.

“Fuck,” Loki said in resignation.

“I’m sorry.”

Loki threw the towel he was holding down at the bar and retreated to the room behind the bar. He threw up the finger before disappearing out of sight. Thor looked lost, debating between following Loki or just giving him space. He decided on the latter and hung awkwardly around the bar. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

Tony quickly flipped through the screens on the tablet again. When he didn’t find what he was looking for there, he exited the black file and tapped open the brown one. There, the very first was a headshot of Thor himself. And then he walked over to the big lug.

“Hey,” He said.

“Mr. Stark,” Thor fumbled to straighten himself.

“Why is it there’s no other details on this thing for you? Just the face?”

“I’m just the organizer, sir… but I could arrange for special exceptions?” Thor added the last part tentatively - a hesitant offer as if he was testing the waters if Tony was interested yet not quite going all in for it.

“No need, but are you like the head honcho of this thing?” Tony gestured at the tablet, Thor’s face looking back at both of them. 

“I suppose that’s one way to put it,” the blonde did not comment on the rejected offer. “Just the brown file though, The black one’s all Mr. Hammer’s. Couldn’t tell you anything about it, he snuck that one in,” Tony did not miss the sour expression that crossed Thor’s face just then.

“I have a different proposition.”

Tony gave him his megawatt smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so not as soon as I'd hope but still sooner than last time right???   
> let me know what you guys think of this whole situation and of tony and loki's first encounter... I know it's not much  
> also idk how to work ao3 yet but like halfway through I lose my paragraph indents... anybody know why? lol


	5. Don't Threaten Me With a Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's proposition... not exactly the most obvious

Tony stood facing the ceiling to floor window, another glass with a drink he won’t bother with in his hand. The lights from the city’s night skyline winked back at him. He always indulged himself with a view:. his Malibu home stood at the edge of the Pacific Ocean where the waves greeted him good morning at sunrise; his New York City one had a penthouse that towered over the city lights. There was something about the endless sea, the endless sky, like endless potentials were talking to him. It was a slice of serenity he rarely got to have, where the world was talking his mind rather than it talking to the world. This one wasn’t any different and it would have been breathtaking but something else was eating at him. His pinky drummed nervously on the side of his glass, the red string pulling equally excitedly at it. He made darkness his friend, the lights made him too aware, too self-conscious, too insecure and for an ego like Tony’s that was maddening. He’d chosen to keep the room dark, a single, lonely light fighting the shadows across the room. Its dull shine never even reached Tony’s toes. As he caught a glimpse of his faint reflection on the window, he reflected back on how different he had been after his accident. He wouldn’t have been so vulnerable as to be nervous in a situation like this but he also would never had been in a situation like this. Fate shouldn’t have this kind of hold on him and yet there he was in an almost complete faith. He hadn’t surrendered to it quite yet but the door to belief widened itself every minute Loki’s name crossed his brain. Tony found himself in one of the rare times that he was actually thinking about the weight of his actions. Was this the right thing to do or was this patronizing? He thought about sitting down and waiting in the grand armchair in the room, to impose some sort of mafia-like dominance but truth be told it only made him more antsy and had caused him to pace the room earlier. In the end he settled for standing still, choosing the stars as both the scenery and the audience to his bated breath.

Tony heard the click of the keycard from behind him. His grip tightened around his glass. When the door slowly swung open, the hallway lights cut through the dim of the room. Tony only saw the silhouette from the reflection on the window, he had wanted to wait until the door was shut before he turned around to face the person who’d walked in. When he did, the second party was still closing the door and haven’t yet paid attention. Tony knew the darkness hid his face. He wanted to see a genuine reaction to the situation before he revealed himself.

“Well, I’m here. Let’s get this over with,” his company said with distinctly feigned enthusiasm. Tony watched him take notice of his figure by the window and acknowledged him by flicking on one of the light switches.

Tony waited until person looked up to fully pay attention to the room. He stepped into the light.

Expressions washed over Loki’s face in rapid succession, surprise replacing the disinterested distaste followed by confusion and curiosity where it stayed. The corners of Tony’s mouth pulled upwards a little involuntarily.

“I thought -” Loki fumbled.

Tony didn’t say anything. He let Loki trail off while he takes in his appearance. His previously immaculate brushed back hair had been tousled, parting in the middle like the Red Sea so that curls fell like heavy curtains on both sides of his face playing like grand waves and wild surf. His white shirt was free of the tie he sported earlier and the top two buttons were undone to reveal his long elegant neck and the chisels of his chest. His sleeves were rolled halfway up his forearm, adding to a linear illusion, one that Tony would like to take horizontally if he was being honest. For someone who, Tony assumed, had never done this business - and even refusing to - Loki looked the part exceptionally well. Tony licked his lips reflexively.

“Hi,” he said regaining control of his nerves “Drink?” he offered but more to himself than to Loki. he walked over to the mini bar before Loki could give an answer.

“You’re not Justin Hammer.”

“Correct. If I recall, you pointed out earlier that I am Tony Stark.”

“I’m confused.”

“Understandable. Acceptable, even. I just hope you’re not disappointed.” he handed him a glass

“Thor didn’t mention-” Loki said reflexively taking the glass.

“I told him not to,” Tony shrugged and walked over to the armchair. Maybe his nonchalance would break the ice.

He couldn’t tell if Loki relaxed but the tone of his voice changed. “Okay, then, Mr. Stark, how may I be of service?” It wasn’t his normal voice, it was sultrier but it didn’t sound incredibly forced either. He slowly took a sip of the drink he was just handed and licked his lips clean. He’d also walked over and sat at the edge of the bed and leaned on his arms behind him. His whole demeanor had changed in an instant. All of this like he knew the effect he had. He was pleasure, if pleasure had a face, a voice. He exuded it from the way his eyes shifted to the way his fingers danced on the bed. Tony would not have had a moment’s hesitation if the situation was different. He would have been weak at the knees. Even if there was no red string of fate telling him that this guy was his soulmate, this very picture of Loki would have been enough for Tony to move mountains just to find himself breathing Loki’s air. And maybe that was the exact reason why Tony couldn't - wouldn’t - jump Loki right then. He wanted this Loki to be real not something he paid for.

“Dunno,” Tony said as he relaxed back into the armchair, trying to casually ignore his hard on from the switch up Loki just played on him. “Talk about yourself.”

“Odd request,” Loki said. “Why?

Consider it a job interview or something.”

“As your… what… personal...escort or something?”

“Funny, you know my name so you obviously know my reputation. You know I don’t need to pay for that kind of thing. And I also told you that I don’t like having to pay for it.”

“Yet, you did.” Loki raised an eyebrow.

“Hmm. I eavesdropped. Sorry,” Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Seemed you needed saving from a sticky situation.”

“So what? You’re a hero come to rescue a damsel in distress?”

“Are you in distress?”

“Did you just agree to me being a damsel?” Loki slightly shifted the position of his legs so as to show that he was very much not a damsel at all. The motion caught Tony’s eyes and the of course what Loki was trying to convey. He averted his gaze pretty quickly but the image was there and so is that hard on.

“Listen, I’m just trying to help out. Hammer’s a swine, you know that too. He likes challenges, he likes knowing he can beat them. He probably forced Thor’s hand for you because he knew that you were never part of the deal.”

“And did you beat him out because _you_ knew I wasn’t part of the deal? Or because you found out Hammer wanted me? Is this some weird competition shit?” Tony should have been surprised at how sharp Loki was but he was more surprised that he wasn’t.

“No. Honestly, no,” Tony repeated himself when it was clear Loki wasn’t believing him.

“I don’t suppose you helped out the other people in that tablet.”

“It’s being taken care of. Hammer is probably bitching about me ruining his party right now.”

“What is going to happen to them?”

“What’s the deal between you and Thor?” Even though Tony was already aware of them being brothers, for some reason he still wanted Loki to confirm it.

“Where are they?”

“Do you bartend full time? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in any of my past usual haunts,” It didn’t slip Tony’s notice that Loki was trying to distract him from talking about himself by asking about the other “candidates.” Two could play that game.

“What’s going to happen to Hammer?”

Tony let out a soft sigh. He supposed he wasn’t going to get anything out of Loki tonight and he knew enough not to prod lest he push Loki away.

“He’s untouchable right now and he knows it, but he is also going to be taken care of. Properly.”

“Are they safe?”

“Yes, they are.”

“So why am I the only one up here?” Loki leaned forward.

“Thor’s business is actually legit, he and his… associates… have requested to continue their night untouched. He’s been well compensated for,” he would have said “you” but it didn’t sit right, so instead he said, “tonight. My source has confirmed that the ones in the ones in the black file were indeed trafficked. They are being transported to the proper safety asylum so they can get to where they need to be. Which leaves only you… like I said, job interview. You’re strapped for cash and I need a personal assistant. You seem… capable.”

Loki didn’t say anything. He seemed to be scrutinizing Tony and his offer. To be fair, Tony did say it offhandedly - a probably futile effort to show he wasn’t really interested in Loki or jumping Loki’s bones. But then again, ‘personal assistant’ sounded like an innuendo too.  And he did say that Hammer only wanted Loki because he was off the books, it did almost seemed like Tony was doing the same thing. Silence hung between them like a thick fog.

“Or not,” Tony finally said. He always talked too much when he was nervous. Patience might have been a virtue but it was never his. He needed to cut this short before diespondence took over him. “You could watch TV, order room service, go to sleep. Whatever you want. I’ll leave,” he stood up. “The room is paid for and you don’t have to worry about Hammer. I just didn’t want you to do something you didn’t want to do.” He set his glass down on the table and gave Loki a small smile as he made his way to the door on the other side of the room. He meant everything he said to Loki that night. Despite the fact that he paid for Loki’s time under the pretense of having his way with him, he had no intention of doing so.

Loki seemed to have been stunned again. He didn’t move from the bed, not even to turn to look at Tony who was slowly walking to the door. Somehow, Tony was both disappointed and content, if those two things were allowed to exist in one body at the same time. He had wanted - hoped - to just spend more than bar time with Loki and maybe that was what he really wanted out of this whole move. But he was also just content with being the one who had helped him and his brother, even though Loki didn’t know that Tony knew he was helping them out for more than that night. He was happy just knowing that Hammer’s grabby hands were never near Loki.

Tony’s hand was already on the doorknob when Loki’s voice cut across the room, “Do you have a movie in mind?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked the idea of Tony, billionaire - possibly the most powerful mogul - being nervous. Anyway, updates are probably going to happen every two weeks just because of life stuff and I can't write as much. Im also trying to make them longer but still paced well, so please please bear with me as this story unfolds.  
> And as always... what did you think of Tony and Loki's first true interaction alone?? yay? nay? I love reading your thoughts!!!


	6. Check Yes Juliet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What movie did they watch and the after effects it had on Tony.

Tony came into the office feeling heady but not for the usual reasons. He left the still sleeping Loki reluctantly at too early in the morning, a feat he surprisingly accomplished, though not without difficulty. Not only because how in the world was able to wake up that early in the morning, even the sun wasn’t awake yet, but also because goddamn, Loki. If the Brit was breathtaking to look at when he was awake, he was even more notoriously so when he was asleep. His black curls were like ink spilled beautifully against the white pillow, his lips, parted slightly, unbesmirched by any sense of control. The only expression that painted his face was pure angelic serenity. Before he could walk out the door, Tony had been compelled to watch Loki sleep for a little while, praying Loki wouldn’t wake up to catch him staring but also partly wishing that he would. 

Tony couldn’t fight the smile that kept making its way across his face even though they came at the most awkward times. Once was during a board meeting about the projected production efficiency of Stark Industries where a bunch of older gentlemen talked with absolutely no inflection at all. Jarvis had sent him a direct message to his handheld device saying “You’re smiling at a bar graph, sir.”

Sure enough, he was absently rubbing at his beard, with a stupid grin on his face. When his eyes refocused at the screen he had been staring at, he finally saw the green and blue bars and numbers with which he didn’t know the context of. The speaker didn’t seem to notice his expression as he kept on talking but a handful of board members were looking at him strangely. He tried to wipe the grin off his face but it fought its way back. Clearly the battle was lost. Those greens and blues on the screens only reminded him of the night before, how the dim flashing light of the TV screen lit up Loki’s eyes and how even in that close proximity Tony still couldn’t decide whether they were really green or they were blue instead. 

He’d only meant to start off with a Disney movie as a joke, to see how long Loki would last before he asked to change it. Half joke, half test maybe, only a psychopath would hate a Disney movie. But Loki never did ask and it went on to become a Disney marathon. It started with  _ Big Hero 6 _ , a movie Tony sort of related to, though he would never admit it to Loki, to anyone. Genius, whiz kid, dealing with loss the only way he knew how, seeking justice, robots, becoming a superhero. Yeah, Hiro was Tony’s hero. There was some deep seated loss and psychoanalysis there that Tony would not be going to the shrink for. Both of them agreed to dial it back to some classics so  _ Lion King _ came second,  _ Lilo & Stitch _ ,  _ Hercules, The Incredibles, The Jungle Book  _ (this one they actually didn’t finish as they both fell asleep just shortly after it started) _.  _ They just laid there on the bed barely even touching just peacefully enjoying the company and pretending not to be tearing up at several points in time. And god Tony desperately wanted to reach out and cuddle him but Tony wasn’t even the cuddle type and Loki didn’t seem like it either. He wasn’t sure if this feeling was just dormant effects post-break up because since when was he the stupid schoolgirl with a crush? But then of course he started to doubt the whole attraction he was feeling. What if these weren’t even genuine at all, but some weird thing he felt compelled to experience because some silly red string pointed him in that direction? Tony was trying to piece all of this in his head, but Loki’s chuckles crept up in his thoughts and he’d smile and think it didn't matter. Until his brain demanded for things to make sense again and his thoughts were in this cycle but mostly - annoyingly perhaps- he was giddy.

The board meeting finished, though Tony wasn’t sure when or how or what even it was about, and he found himself just leaning back in his chair in his office. Multiple screens were open in front of him, a stack of seemingly important papers on his desk, a half sincere attempt to get work done but he was spaced out as ever. It was both better and worse than being high off of drugs. Jarvis had called his attention several times for meetings he had scheduled for the day with which he replied by cancelling them. 

“Sir, you’ve got an impromptu meeting,” Jarvis had said later that afternoon. Tony was rocking back and forth in his chair, absently twirling a pen in his hand. There was probably an audible pop as his thought bubble burst and he broke out of his reverie.

“Jarv, no people today. I thought we established that after the fourth cancelled meeting.”

“You’ll want to see this one, sir.” Despite the lack of human personality, there was a clear adamance in the AI’s voice.

“Jarvis.” Tony chided-- but there was a bit of pleading there too.  _ Don't make me please. _

“Sir.” The finality of insistence in the AI’s voice was enough to compel the billionaire.

“You better be right, Jarv.”

Tony straightened himself up in his chair to at least appear remotely close to a CEO who had not been spending the whole morning daydreaming. He was still adjusting his tie when his visitor was led in.

“Mr. Odinson, sir,” his AI announced.

When Tony looked up he had to blink a few times. Okay, several times, actually. It took him awhile to figure out that he wasn’t still daydreaming.

“Mr. Stark, good afternoon,” Loki greeted, a hint of hope in his voice. Or maybe Tony was projecting.

Tony’s throat had gone dry, his brain short-circuited at the sight of Loki. He was in an all black suit, perfectly tailored and accented with a silk black tie. His hair may not have been in a ponytail but the curls were brushed up neatly all the same. The curls that framed his face the night before were neatly tucked behind his ear but that did not mean that he was any less breathtaking to look at. His cheekbones, in full view, looked sharper than a knife, ready to cut and cause destruction into Tony’s life. His hand clutched a green folder to his chest, while the other was hidden away in his pocket. He looked almost regal, the image of him sleeping this morning flashed briefly across Tony's mind, how different he had looked then but still the same. If Tony was being honest, he was afraid to say anything if it meant disrupting the figure before him.

“I hope this is not too forward,” Loki continued when Tony didn’t say anything. “But I believe we never conducted that job interview. Is the position still open?”

“Um, yeah,” he said as he broke out of his reverie. He stood up but his brain was still in recovery and hadn’t yet caught up. He couldn’t decide on whether to walk over, welcome his visitor and shake his hand (which in retrospect, would have been what a proper businessman would do) or to stay put, offer the seat, and let Loki come to him. So instead what came out was a half, awkward arm flail and the word, “please.” 

Mercifully, Loki took that to mean that he was being offered a chair, which he took shortly after shaking Tony’s hand. Loki’s felt cool in his warm hand, with a grip tighter than any mogul he’d let shake his hand. Tony imagined that perhaps his future personal assistant was also nervous in his presence. Tony disguised letting out a breath of relief by adjusting the collar of his suit jacket before taking his own seat. 

———————————————-

Though Tony was elated by the surprising twist to his day, he was getting more and more frustrated by how austere their conversation had been going. Loki was too formal; too professional, gone was the playful, sarcastic banter between them. But he could hardly blame the guy, this was a conversation between Tony Stark, the CEO, and Loki, future employee -- and Loki, the future employee’s goal was to get hired. He did wonder if somewhere in Loki’s mind their night together was also replaying in constant loop. He could hardly focus when those green eyes were looking back at him so intensely - not when he knew what it was like to look back at them up close.

The green folder that Loki had eventually handed him laid unopened on his desk. It apparently held his resume and recommendations but Tony didn’t need either of those, Loki was going to get hired the minute he walked through the door. 

“I have to ask, Mr. Stark --”

“Tony.”

“--Tony, you have an A.I. that is capable of so much more than anybody can imagine and a secretary up front, who to be honest, with said A.I., is probably not even necessary. I don’t understand why you would need another personal assistant.

“You’re sharp,” Tony said plainly. Loki didn’t say anything to agree or disagree. “You’re right. I don’t need a personal assistant,” Tony continued, he thought he might have detected a minute sagging of Loki’s shoulders as he said it. “That’s not what I want to hire you for. You have an impressive - eclectic - but impressive set of skills that by stroke of luck are specifically what I need. Flying colors in hardware engineering, physics and specialties in sculptural design.”

Tony saw Loki cock an eyebrow as he listed the Brit’s credentials. He couldn’t fight the tiny smile that made its way to his face. “That’s also an impressive skill,” Loki said. “You haven’t even looked at my resume yet.”

“Did you think I didn’t already check you out before propositioning you?”

“I’m sure this is where most people say, ‘that came out wrong.’” Loki said with a little smirk.

“I’m not most people,” Tony remarked,  _ Finally _ , he thought. The formality between them was slowly suffocating him to death. “Neither are you.”

“You would know, apparently.”

“I do,” Tony crossed his arm and leaned back in his chair, satisfied.

“You’re an engineer yourself, what do you need a hardware engineer and a sculpture artist for?” Loki leaned forward in response.

“Personal project. Can’t divulge ‘til you accept.”

“That’s hardly fair.”

“You’re right,” but that was all Tony said. He let it hang and he knew Loki was churning all of this in his head. Loki was right, it wasn’t fair and it was highly suspicious to offer a job without disclosing what the actual job was. But he couldn’t exactly just tell people that he was working on saving his own life-- that actually he was slowly dying with every second the magnet in his chest was deteriorating and pouring poison into his bloodstream. And ego wouldn’t let him admit to anyone -anyone unless he knew he could trust them, unless they were sworn to secrecy - that he needed help figuring out how not to die. Because apparently aside from science- Tony Stark was good at dying. Aside from Happy and Jarvis, nobody else knew what was happening under wraps. Maybe it was the string, maybe it wasn’t, but Tony felt like he could trust Loki… with this, at least.

Tony had the schematics all figured out. He had all the puzzle pieces he just couldn’t figure out - _ yet _ \- how to put them all together. He was also dissatisfied with all of his structural designs. None of them were sleek enough to sit inconspicuously in the middle of his chest and hidden away from view. So far, he’d gotten away with loose shirts and waistcoats and layers but it wasn’t always ideal. Neither was the fact that he had to keep leaving the room to charge up the battery pack that powered the magnet. Still, Tony was dealing with it and the hunt for the other end of his string actually kept him pretty occupied that he didn’t mind it so much.

“I can then assume that this project is off the books?” Loki said, the indecision was still painted on his face plain as day.

“It is,” Tony said. “You would still be hired as a Stark Industries employee under ‘personal assistant’ which is not entirely untrue. I need your assistance in a personal project, you see.”

Loki chuckled at the pun. “How long were you holding on to that one?”

“Just came to me, you like it?” Tony replied with a proud smile. 

“A hardware engineer as a personal assistant is kind of suspicious.”

“Hmm, well… you know several languages and that’s”  _ hot _ , he wanted to say “handy.”

“That’s the qualification you’re using to justify this?”

“Yeah. Like a part time student job intern thing. That’s a thing right?”

“But you are multilingual yourself.”

“Little known fact about me, I’m surprised you know,” and he was genuinely surprised. It wasn’t a skill he liked to flaunt, in fact sometimes he preferred that other parties thought he couldn’t understand them -- easier to find out true motives that way. He wondered how Loki knew but that was question for another day. Loki was close to accepting the job and he desperately wanted him to. So he turned on his authoritative voice and said, “Here’s another thing though, I’m CEO and I can pretty much do what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! Ok so story update/poll: I ended up writing a Loki perspective in the middle of working on the chapter after this one ( i like to at least be one chapter ahead before posting sshh don't tell anyone)... is there an interest on reading that? It was originally planned to come way way later or as another "part of the series" thing or actually not at all and just keep this Tony-centric but Loki decided to talk to me now lol anyway just trying to get a feel of the interest level out there :) as always, thanks for reading guys <3 i appreciate each and every read, kudos, and especially comments :)


	7. Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red String - 1; Tony - 0

_ “I have to be clear, though, Mr. Stark-” _

__ _ “Tony.” _

__ _ “-forgive me if this is being presumptuous, but this relationship has to be completely professional,” _ Loki had said. It was the only time that Tony really questioned his plan. Yes, of course he wanted to help Loki out, that had been his primary goal, but in the back of his head he knew he was doing this in order to get closer to him - even if he’d originally told himself that it was just for curiosity’s sake. There was also that issue of the “she” that Thor and Loki were talking about. Tony still didn’t know who that was. She started out as a mild curiosity too. It had piqued Tony’s interest that there was someone out there that Loki was willing to give up his future for; and to love someone that much had to have been kissed by fate. Yet fate was telling him that this guy was his. He had to know the kind of person who warranted so much love-- who received so much love. He wasn’t jealous that day in the cafe but that night in the hotel room had perhaps changed his mindset just a bit. 

Well, what’s done was done; at least Loki had agreed to work for him. It would give him time to get to know how Loki’s mind worked, to bask in its brilliance and to watch him work. Tony had to settle with the satisfaction of being able to save Loki’s future. 

_ “I know ‘personal assistant’ seems a little sketchy… but I assure you, it wasn’t the innuendo it comes with that I’m after,” Tony had replied. Loki’s mind was spinning, Tony knew that look well, he’d seen the same cross his own reflection several times. He was probably thinking what the catch was- why had the most eligible billionaire taking an interest in him if not for wanton reasons? There was some sort of a catch wasn’t there? If the roles were switched, Tony wouldbe churning the same question in his mind. It would have been a quandary he’d needed to solve too.  _

__ _ “I’m still quite uncertain I am the man you’re looking for, especially for such a big project as a personal one. If it’s one Tony Stark refuses to share with the world, then surely it’s not one the world is ready for,” Loki mused out loud. “I’m hardly qualified, I’m still in school with barely any credentials behind my name--” _

__ _ “I know.” _

__ _ “Of course you do, sir.” Tony wasn’t quite sure then how the word ‘sir’ rolling off of Loki’s tongue gave him a shiver down his spine. _

__ _ “I just need you to stay in school, finish your degrees and not do anymore of Thor's jobs. I hope this one will compensate you enough to afford tuition… and whatever else.” Tony added the last part almost hesitantly. In his mind, ‘whatever else’ translated to the ‘she’ that was in Loki’s life. He almost didn’t want to contribute to that part. _

__ _ “Why?” Loki asked, as if the concept of help being given to him was a foreign language. Tony could tell Loki was questioning how Tony knew all of this in his mind.  _

__ _ “I…” ‘don’t know,’ Tony was going to say. “Why not?” he said instead. How was Tony supposed to say a red string pointed me in your direction? _

__ _ “Okay.” Loki conceded though without full certainty and Tony felt the release of the tightening in his chest that he didn’t notice was there. “Well, what are the hours, I can rearrange my-” _

__ _ “Come in when you want.” _

__ _ “I’m sorry?” _

__ _ “Come in when you want. Just give me a heads up so Jarvis can expect you if I’m already in the lab or at the office. You’ll have full access to it and whatever else you need just let Jarvis or I know. The only time it will probably be off limits is when I’m asleep which is almost never.” _

There was no lie in that Tony needed Loki for his chest piece. The pile of scrapped ideas were proof of that. The fresh piece of blank paper staring back at him was mocking him. He twirled his pencil as he mused on his dilemma of both Loki and his magnet. Replaying moments with Loki was starting to turn out as one of his past times lately. Finally, he got up and tinkered with some other stuff in his lab - things that didn’t really need tinkering anymore. He had been doing the sitting down to think - getting lost in the thinking- and then getting up to keep busy - only to sit back down again - dance since he got home from the office that day. He must have been in the tenth cycle now, with each one making him more and more antsy. When tinkering didn’t work, he worked on organizing his lab. He moved his stuff around, deciding to give Loki his own lab bench to work on. That seemed like it should have been common sense but Tony actually took too long to come to that decision. He didn’t want Loki to feel like he was being isolated, like he just had that one corner of Tony’s lab that he was privy to; but Tony also thought about what if the guy had wanted a private space to work on. This was the first time he’d had to think about something like this. It seemed any decision, any  _ thing _ really, that involved Loki required a hefty thought process. 

He’d put semi-decent blueprints of his chest piece up on a glass board for visual aid when he finally tells Loki what the super secret project was. Then he took them down thinking it might be too early to show; it was just the first meeting after all. They probably wouldn't even talk about the chest piece yet. He moved stuff around until he realized he was just putting things back into their original spots. So he was back again at step one, sitting down at his desk and playing out scenarios. It was a miracle he wasn’t more exhausted than he was currently feeling, probably because of the nerves (that seem to have decided to move in in his head permanently) he was feeling regarding Loki. Dum-E, Tony’s spectacularly clumsy, but spectacular nonetheless, robot assistant parked itself behind him. It had been following him all around the lab as he paced and unpaced trying its very best to help Tony out with his unsolvable problem. 

Loki had texted him early morning the day after their meeting saying that he would come over after his classes and officially start working. It was a Tuesday, an odd day for a start date but Tony quite enjoyed the idea that perhaps Loki was just as excited as he was - that the budding engineer had thought about spending his time with him before breakfast that day. Tony shook his head clear of this delusion and buried his face into his palms on the desk. Perhaps Loki was just showing some professional enthusiasm.

_ Get it together, Tony Stark. What kind of ridiculous mush did you just turn into?  _ He’d realized of course that even with Pepper he was never this giddy - this schoolgirl crush level of giddy. His relationship with Pepper just seemed like the natural progression of their partnership and there was never really any room for pining such as this. Tony was mortified at the idea of it. 

“Sir,” Jarvis’ chime cut through his thoughts, “Mr. Odinson has arrived.”

_ Fuck. _

Tony lifted his head from his palms. His preoccupation had again caused him to miss the red string pulling excitedly at his fingers. “Mmkay, let the man through,” Tony took a deep breath and straightened himself up. He looked around him to make sure that everything was in some sort of order - there was not - it looked exactly like it did before he started “cleaning up.” Then he realized he didn’t want to get caught sitting around in a daze. He stood up but then perhaps it would look more awkward if he was just standing there waiting for Loki to walk through the lab doors. By then, Jarvis had already let Loki inside the mansion and was on his way down to the lab - Tony was scrambling, trying to figure out what “acting natural” meant all the while yelling “fuck” in his head.

Thankfully, he was just walking across the room when Loki walked in - that was as natural as he was going to get.

“Hello...sir,” Loki greeted, the ‘sir’ followed tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure to call Tony that.

Tony spun around too fast at the voice and tripped on one of Dum-E’s wheels who has following closely behind. He caught himself so it looked more like a clumsy fumble and he wouldn’t fall flat on his face. He landed his hand extra heavily on Dum-E even though he knew the robot wouldn’t feel a thing. “Hi,” he greeted through his teeth as he looked up from being almost doubled over, his toes throbbing. Loki was trying not to look at him, but though his face was turned away, his eyes were peeking through thick lashes. Loki was trying to fight an embarrassed smile but the smile won nonetheless. “This… magnificent thing is Dum-E. Dum-E, say hi.” The robot whirred and bobbed its single arm up and down obediently. Loki raised a tentative hand. “Welcome,” Tony finished.

“Uhm, hi… are you alright?” Loki said gesturing at Tony’s foot.

“Hi,” Tony mentally facepalmed himself for being exceptionally awkward. “Yep, I am. Welcome, want a tour?” He should stop talking.

The smirk stayed on Loki’s face. Tony took his appearance, something that was also becoming some sort of a habit. As professional as he looked that day at the office, he was now dressed down to a loose black, v-necked t-shirt and dark distressed jeans. The leather jacket that he wore the first time Tony ever saw him was hooked away on the straps of his bag. And while his hair still fell in waves, he somehow looked different. Still… just as striking.

Tony’s lab took up more than half of the basement of his mansion, with the back part able to house at least four cars and a motorcycle, should he feel so inclined to tinker with engines. RIght now, there was only the vintage Mustang Boss parked there - Tony’s favorite but currently forgotten project. It sat with its hood up, just waiting for Tony. He would deny any sort of panic or PTSD from his car accident but since then, even just going near the car, even though it wasn’t the car that he drove,  would cause some tremors in his hands. Against one wall was a daybed, which Tony had put there after losing battle to exhaustion and sleep several times before. It hadn’t really seen much use since before Pepper and him got serious since lab time took a bit of a backseat to that relationship. Everywhere else were other equipment, tools, blueprints - remnants of other projects -physical manifestations of Tony’s wonderfully active mind. Tony’s desk was directly in the center of it all, where the holographic and glass monitors glowed blue. Loki hardly said a word as Tony gave him the tour of his lab. He followed closely behind Tony though. Tony’s only indication of Loki’s piqued interest was when the young engineer couldn’t help himself but run his hands and get a feel of the equipment. Occasionally, Tony would pass him some stuff when he thought he could detect curiosity from his face. Loki would greedily look it over and turn it around and around in his palms as if touching every inch of it helped him absorb and memorize everything he needed to know about it. Tony watched him amused every time.

“My lab space?” Loki questioned when they got around to the bench that Tony had cleared earlier.

“Mhm, if you need it. Like I said you have... full access... to the...  _ entire _ ... lab but should you need or want your own space to work on, this one’s yours,” Tony again mentally facepalmed himself for having said all that haltingly.

“You sound… uncomfortable, for lack of better word,” Loki noted because of course Loki noticed.

“I… I’m not… Uhm…,”  _ might as well be honest, Stark _ , “Nobody else had ever had full access to the lab. Sure a handful of people could come and go, Happy, Rhodes…. Pep,” he coughed at the last name. “But nobody else has worked down here with me, with full privileges, it’s… I’m just-” By letting Loki have a full go at his lab, Tony felt like he was baring his soul - a part of it at least - if not all of it.

“I apologize,” Loki said, and Tony wasn’t really sure why. “I don’t want to intrude. I know this is a personal project but surely you could secure another lab at Stark Industries…”

“Don’t apologize, I’m just adjusting. It has to happen here,” Tony said with finality when Loki looked like he was about to regret agreeing to the job. “Here, this is your access card. Works with the lab side entrance and the computers.”

Loki gently took the access card from Tony’s hand like he was giving him time to take it back. But through the transparent, glass-like card, Tony could see Loki’s long fingers curling around it and somehow it looked right. It  _ felt _ right - like the card fit in his hand, like Loki fit in his lab - in his life. The tail from the red string around his finger was shorter now, and for the first time he saw where it ended up close, for the first time, he genuinely paid attention to it. It curled around Loki’s finger and against his new engineer’s pale skin, it glimmered proud and bright red, like it wanted to scream at Tony’s face. He had been silently fighting believing in the Red String but that moment it finally felt like fate. That moment, he conceded loss.

“Jarvis already knows you by name, and some basic physical features, but he will still need to do a full scan for his database - facial recognition and the like - for security purposes. And then you can ask him for whatever else you may need,” Tony added quickly when they both lingered a nanosecond too long connected only by a thin piece of plastic and an invisible string. It was the final seal, too. Tony wasn’t going to let Loki have a window to back out of this deal anymore, his discomfort be damned. 

“Of course,” Loki said and cleared his throat. To Tony, it seemed like Loki was momentarily stunned as well but it was clear he didn’t know why. It was clear Loki couldn’t see the string.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to lie to you guys, the reason this was later was because I couldn't think of a chapter title (which are mostly song titles) and a summary (which still sucks imo). but hi!!  
> I want to know what you guys want to see happen (no guarantees that it will happen since it's pretty much set or that you'll get denial/confirmation) but I'm just curious :) (am I allowed to ask this question? lol)


	8. Breakeven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony realizes that there are things he hasn't fully come to terms with and he is forced to confront them

“Tony,” a voice of concern rang out from the living room while Tony shuffled down the steps. It was before coffee o’clock and he was still groggy from sleep. He was in no condition or mood to talk to anyone before caffeinating.

“Jarvis,” he called to his AI with a mixture of warning, annoyance, and scolding tones.

“The colonel is in the living room, sir,” his AI replied.

“Yeah, I see that now, thanks for nothing,” he said as he rounded the corner from the stairs into the wide opening of his living room. Walking in and crossing the wide foyer was his college best friend, Colonel James Rhodes. The colonel part would be the explanation why the conversation took place at a military morning time.

“You’re welcome, sir.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“Rhodey, hey,” he said towards the colonel. “What are you doing here? Are you okay? You sick? You look a little pale.” Tony walked over to the little table on one side of the living room and poured just one glass of scotch before walking over to his best friend. Rhodes took the glass that Tony handed him but he just set it down on a different table. Which was fine because why in the world was Tony handing out alcohol at that time of day. He must have been running on auto-pilot and his brain hadn’t gotten to logical time yet.

“Am I okay? Tony, what the fuck? No one - No. One. - has heard from you in weeks, months? The only reason I know you’re still alive is because of pap photos, and you did not look like yourself, okay? And then I hear you went to Hammer’s party?!” The surprise and the concern was clear in his voice - very loud voice, Tony noted. “This isn’t you, Tony.”

“Jarvis,” Tony warned.

“Happy called me. You were dodging my calls, and that was fine, I was trying to give you space, but I need to know you haven’t fallen off the ledge. Is this… did you go because of… do I have to worry about you again?”

“I’m going to kill him. Jarvis, set a reminder for me to kill Happy.”

“This is not a joke, Tony,”

“Alright, come on. I need to properly wake up if you’re gonna talk at me,” Tony started to walk towards the kitchen, assuming Rhodey would follow him. Thankfully, there was already coffee waiting for him on the counter. He poured himself a cup - well a cup that was big enough to measure as two - and gestured the pot towards Rhodes, miming an offer of coffee. Rhodes shook his head and didn’t say anything else. They stood in silence as his best friend let him gulp down some liquid energy.

“So…” Tony said if only to break the silence. He explored the reasons why Rhodey - and well everybody around him - would be so concerned and it made sense. No one else knew about the string besides his AI so no one else knew the motivations for his actions. To anyone in the outside world, of course it would look erratic. He’d wanted to call Rhodey so many times after he had gotten out of the hospital. Just as many times he chickened out. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to apologize for being non compos mentis? Well, shit, he supposed he was, but how? 

“Oh, you ready now?” Rhodey said mockingly.

“I’m fine, Rhodey,” Tone declared with a shrug. He took another swig of coffee.

“Are you? Because I can’t tell anymore. Because that’s exactly what you told me right before you decided to slip into a coma. Tell me what’s going on.”

As if on cue, the muscles around his chest piece cramped a bit, like it wanted to remind Tony that, “oh, yeah, still here.” He cringed at the bite of pain but he was hoping the reaction was minuscule enough that Rhodes didn’t notice. He fought the urge to rub at the site. Walking usually distracted him so he made his way from the back counter and around the island counter in the middle of the massive kitchen and sat at one of the barstools. He was hoping that him walking also distracted Rhodey. He offered his best friend the other seat.

“For the record, I did not voluntarily choose to slip into a coma. Honestly, I’m fine,” he repeated. It wasn’t untrue, he hadn’t felt that good since coming out of his coma - well, minus physically feeling the slowly corroding magnet in his chest. Also, minus the actual magnet in his chest because he actually also hadn’t told his best friend about it yet - or that he might actually be dying. Maybe that could have been another reason that he should have called Rhodey. Otherwise, he was fine. “I even quit drinking.”

Rhodey sighed his Rhodey-sigh, the one that was laced with concern and sprinkled with worry. The one, that despite his past actions causing it to occur a lot, Tony tried keep from happening. “What’s with the Hammer party then?”

“I was helping out a friend,” the fact that he and said friend met after the party was irrelevant. He wasn’t ready to open that can of worms either. Especially since he wasn’t sure if Rhodey is one of those people who believed in the Red String. 

“And the police here last night?”

“The police—?”

“Happy. Don’t even deny it.”

_ Damn, Happy.  _ “Jarvis, set two reminders to kill Happy.”

“Tony,” Rhodey castigated.

“Well, now you know why I need coffee and not you this early in the morning.”

Rhodey just gave him a look, a look that sounded exactly like the way he just said ‘Tony’ two seconds ago.

“They were not here for me,” Tony began to explain. Rhodey raised a scrutinizing eyebrow. “Well, they were here to talk to me but not about me. This time I’m the good guy, ‘kay? They were here about Hammer. About the party. I told you I was helping out a friend.”

“What kind of friends gets you in league with Hammer and would need cop involvement?”

Tony let out a long and audible exhale. He didn’t want to get into this either, it wasn’t a big deal, at least not yet, and nor should it ever. “The cops aren’t after my friend and Hammer, he’s a slimy miscreant, about time somebody did something.”

“And that’s you?

“Well, the cops.”

“But you’re helping the cops?”

“Like I said, I was helping a friend.”

“Which friend? I know all of your friends, you have like four. It’s just me, Happy, Jarvis, and…” Rhodey stopped short at the name. Pepper. He was going to say Pepper and Tony knew he was going to say Pepper.

Tony supposed losing Pepper hadn’t yet felt completely real but Rhodey almost bringing her up was the capstone to his grief. And yes this was one of the reasons why Tony kept putting the phone down every time he thought about calling Rhodey. He wasn’t ready to make it real. Up until then he had felt detached to his heartache, his mind, his heart, assuaged by concepts of fate and soulmates. He felt the calamitous pain of it wash over him all at once. The finality of it rang resoundly in his ears. She was gone. Pepper was gone. And though his heart - and his finger - had been tugging towards another direction, he realized in that instance that it hadn’t meant that what he felt for Pepper automatically disappeared, like a file permanently deleted from a hard drive. He felt the ending of it drum against his chest harder than the magnetic chest piece could ever constrict. He felt the wind knocked out of him again, like the night Pepper walked out and he felt it like it happened yesterday. And he remembered why he craved the wind against his face that night. Tony’s lips did an involuntary slight nervous tick.

“Tony…” Rhodey said gingerly, having witnessed the manifestation of Tony’s internal malfunction.

“ ‘fine.” Tony dissimulated but it came out as a half cough, half gasp, and wholly unbelievable.

“It’s okay. It’s okay to not be fine,” Rhodey coaxed, contrition plain as day on his face. It was clear that he had realized his mistake as soon as the thought crossed his mind. He knew - he must have known- how much Tony was dying inside. He reached his arms forward to try and touch Tony but Tony dodged him smoothly and started to walk backwards and away. 

Tony felt blindsided by his emotions and a little bit betrayed by fate. How could one feel compunction over something that wasn’t meant to be to begin with? This was the last thing he expected to feel. Suddenly, he missed the anxiety he felt when the thought of Loki crossed his mind. Loki. Fuck, Loki. _What the hell, Stringy?_ _Was that even real?_ The string, was it an illusion? Was he losing his mind? Chasing after something, calling it fate to justify it. _Fuck.._ He needed to reset. He needed to think. He needed to come to terms with the Pepper situation and heal from it. But he couldn’t, not in front of his best friend, who may have witnessed his lowest of lows but none of those were ever from heartache. For some stupid, stupid, egotistical reason, he felt the need to preserve the Tony Stark doesn't have a heart reputation. And if Tony Stark didn't have heart, Tony Stark couldn't break. Not like this. 

“I’m fine, James, lots to do. Jarvis?” Tony said all in one breath. A goodbye to one and a command to the other. Without realizing, Tony gave himself away to his best friend by calling him by his first name. He retreated to his lab without another word, leaving his AI to take care of Rhodey and to show him out when he was ready; and leaving his best friend with the knowledge that he was falling apart but his best friend can’t do anything about it for. Later, Tony would feel bad about it but right now there was no room for it in his mind.

When he found solitude in his lab, it took him a moment to ground and stabilize himself. He stood at the center, his arms locked on the desk, acting as tripod and extra support as he leaned forward, fighting the vertigo of his emotions. Sadly, he knew he must ride out this course. He knew it was coming, he just didn’t expect the timing of its arrival. No one was ever ready for a tsunami of emotions, no matter how intelligent they were - or perhaps especially if they were. To be fully aware of the situation and yet powerless to stop it added a layer of pain. Yes, for a moment Tony questioned the authenticity of the Red String, and yet, what he had seen that day though the key card - that was undeniably, unarguably real. His heartbreak, well, that was real too. Breaking out of his dubiety didn’t mean that the red string mollified his broken heart so easily as it did for other people. Facing the reality of ‘no more Pepper,’ he knew that “she wasn’t the one” wasn’t enough to dull the knives that drove into his heart when she left. 

He reached under his pinky and for his red string. He could feel the warmth of it between his fingers, yet he couldn’t touch it like he could a solid mass. Instead, it ghosted in the space between his fingers, gleaming red, both real and unreal. He tried to twirl a finger around it. Again, the string didn’t touch his skin, yet it danced around the finger, following the motion. He lifted his hand in front of his face and guided the tail of his red string closer. He studied every part of it, as if to memorize the realness of it. He examined every thread that twisted to make the string, every thread that came off the twist, every thread that radiated its own red glow. It was real. It was real and it was going to be his sole salvation, his sole directive away from heartache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt like Tony needed some sort of closure soooo... Happy Monday! As always, I'd love to hear from you guys even if you just wanna tell me about your weekend lol


	9. Gravity of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony realizes something that instantly scared him. Fate made it so that he had to face it right then and there.

Tony kept Loki away from the lab for a week. Tony kept himself away from everybody for a week. He didn’t come into the office, cancelled all his meetings, ignored all the phone calls - most of which were Rhodey anyway. He froze out Happy, still blaming the poor guy. He kept himself locked in his lab and put his daybed to good use. When he wasn’t tinkering with his chest piece, he started another with nanobots, a concept that earwormed its way into his mind since watching Big Hero 6 with Loki. When he wasn’t doing either of those, he was punching his knuckles raw into a punching bag in his personal gym. He only stopped when his legs shook or when he drew his own blood. Good grief, his biceps were going to be ripped. And when he wasn’t doing that, he was absently playing with the red string. Strangely enough, it was the glow of the red string that kept him grounded. It gave him hope but that wasn’t what he wanted the string to represent. He didn’t want to be like those people who tried to cover up his heartache with a “it wasn’t meant to be” mantra. All of this to drain every bit of remaining thoughts of Pepper from his mind - that or to numb his body from it - though he was aware this was not possible or a suitable way to handle it. He could never forget Pepper, nor the pain he felt when he lost her, especially since there was a physical evidence of it embedded in his chest. She wasn’t meant to be forgotten though, that much he understood, no one should forget the fire that was Pepper Potts. Nor did Tony want to. What he wanted was not to go down the rabbit hole every time Rhodey mentioned her name; that was what he needed to get off his system. 

It pained him to keep Loki away. He felt guilty about convincing the guy to take up an unconventional, super secret job with promises of full access only to have his AI tell him that Tony and his lab would be restricted and unavailable for an indefinite amount of time. That and the fact that Tony now had a newfound craving for Loki’s company. Tony didn’t have a reasonable explanation for it. They hadn’t even gotten down to the nitty-gritty of the super secret project that was his chest piece yet, Tony hadn’t had the chance to explore the depths of Loki’s mind. They had barely talked in the days since they met, barely even touched, and whatever touching that had transpired between was done so in the name of business. Maybe it was the red string, but Tony, at this point, had realized that he would crave Loki’s presence without the pull of fate anyway. He just wanted him around, wanted to hear the cadence of his voice surround him like his favorite song, wanted him to fill the extra space in any room. 

The craving for Loki and the pain for Pepper competed for his attention. But he knew it wouldn’t be fair to either emotion if he was to give in and use Loki to cover up whatever it was he was still feeling for Pepper… or because of Pepper. Loki may have been his antidote but he wasn’t a bandaid.

A week proved to be both too short and too long. Too short because remnants of Peppery thoughts still lingered but he supposed they always would. At least they had subsided. He couldn’t let that cripple him forever. Too long because the times between charging up his chest piece had become more and more frequent. He could feel the magnet losing efficacy in his chest. He had to finish the new design and he had to finish it soon. One day, he started vomiting too, which could mean poisoning in his blood from the corroding magnet, or just because his eating habits had taken a turn for the worse. Either way, it meant he needed Loki’s brain soon.

Then a thought struck him. 

It never occurred to him how Loki would react to the whole thing.

Would he be repulsed? Would he pity him? Would he quit? Up until then he hadn’t even realized that of course,  _ of course _ , he had to show Loki his chest piece. Would he run away at the sight of his chest piece that had now, since it hadn’t gotten the right attention, been inflamed and red around the edges. The constant charging and just the mechanicality of it was causing damages and burns on the surrounding skin. Would Loki find him repugnant now, scarred and repellant? Unattractive? Because fuck it, he cared about that kind of shit now when it came to Loki. Everyone else could fuck it if they were repulsed by him but not Loki. Everyone else but Loki. Please, he begged to whoever in the universe was listening. He sighed softly at the thought but the miniature heave his chest made caused a little constricting paint that crawled all the way to his neck. It was time to get out of his rut and call Loki in.

He paced in his lab, paced and talked out loud. He talked to himself, he talked to Dum-E, he talked to the car, he talked to Jarvis - who was the only one who occasionally replied. He had the phone in his hand, symbolic to his hesitation, because he could easily just say “Jarvis, call Loki.” Also, however, he wouldn’t be able to take back the command fast enough if he changed his mind. 

_ Fuck. _

_ You gotta do it, Tony Stark _

_ Man up. _

_ Say the fucking words. _

“Jarvis…” he began.

_ Shit, no. _

“Yes, sir?”

_ It’s awkward. It’s weird. _

“Nothing, nevermind.” He held the phone up and started a text. “Hey, Loki! Ready to work?” His hand hovered over the send button.  _ Oh my god, Tony Stark, that’s so stupid. Just call the fucking guy _ . His thumb found the backspace button instead.

“Jarv,” he said out loud.

“Are you ready, sir?” the AI teased.

“Call Loki.”

* * *

 

“So…. let me see if I’m understanding this right, you have the schematics for a power source that is comparative to nuclear power but you need it condensed to the size of your palm. But also you need it to power a magnet for as long as two lifetimes... while still the size of the palm of your hand. That about it?” Loki summed up what he was trying to explain to him for the past two hours via blueprints, and lots of digressions, and drawings. Tony was sure he was looking like a mad man and if Loki’s raised eyebrows of skepticism were of any indication, Loki agreed.

Loki came back to work without hesitation, without question even.. Tony knew, if Loki was anything like him, that the incident had left him burning with curiosity. He could’ve asked and had every right to. Tony would be obligated to answer, he supposed. For some reason, he wasn’t keen on keeping anything from Loki. At any rate, he was grateful he didn’t.

“Yeah! Exactly! Simple isn’t it?” Tony was elated. He was in better spirits since Loki had come back. 

“Uhh, no…” Loki corrected and Tony’s face fell. “This power source, this…?”

“Arc reactor,” Tony provided.

“... arc reactor - the dimensions, I mean, it’s the size of a building.” He was bowed over the arc reactor blueprints on the table. The look on his face said that he was scrutinizing every detail, already doing calculations. He hadn’t lifted his face to face Tony head on since he’d been granted the documents.

“Well.. for now, yeah,” Tony shrugged. “But I’ve been working it out and I’m getting close to making a miniaturized version. Just a few minor kinks, one of which is how I can make it communicate with the magnet without overheating it and—“

“Oh there’s more?” Loki straightened to finally face Tony. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Nothing big, I need it to be able to respond and adapt to certain… barometric… changes.”

“Barometric? Like… the weather?”

“Sure. Or fluid pressures. Something like that.”

“You are aware that I’m just a hardware engineer… not even quite yet.” Loki’s whole face had scrunched up.

“No such thing as just.” Tony replied pointedly.

“This seems like something your people at Stark Industries should be working on. A whole group of them. Not a single individual with barely any credentials.”

       Tony looked at Loki dead in the eye and spoke in an even, authoritative voice he didn’t know he had. “I need this encased in a solid structure, one that could both be functional and not…awkward looking. And right now, the only person that could do that is you, Loki. You have both skill sets and I trust you. So please, please, stop with the no credentials thing,, it doesn’t matter to me.”

“Mr. Stark –“

       “-Tony,” he corrected. He suspected that Loki reverted to the formal address whenever he started to get familiar. It dismayed Tony that Loki maintained the distance between them but he wouldn’t tire of correcting him until it stuck.

       “-Tony,” Loki continued his protest. “I’m still not sure.”

       “It’s just you, Loki,” Tony almost pleaded. “You’ve got sculpture background; you’ve got hardware design, engineering. It’s just you.”

       “Will you tell me what it’s for?”

        Tony hesitated. This was it, this was the moment that for some reason he was dreading. It wasn’t for lack of trust, he trusted Loki enough to offer him and convince him to take the job. Vanity, perhaps? He was Tony Stark, he was impeccable and no one had ever looked at his body and responded with rejection. But now, when he had a prodigiously sized hole in his chest, coupled with angry red skin, he didn’t feel quite invincible with it. And, guilt. There was that too. The burden of knowing this was the result of his tremendously idiotic actions. He feared the judgment of anyone who would see the physical manifestation of his idiocy. He feared Loki’s judgment. It froze him in place.

         Loki must have noted the hesitation. “It’s just that, it would be easier if I knew the functionality to design for,” he assured. “I could make it generic, of course,” he added when Tony didn’t say a word or move.

         “Okay,” Tony said without making any movement.

         “Okay,” Loki agreed. He turned back to the desk and picked up the pen. He flipped through the papers, presumably to start designing.

          “No,” Tony took a breath. “I mean okay, I’ll tell you. I’ll show you.”

          “Oh,” Loki straightened himself up to face Tony again.

          Tony straightened his stance too.

          “The accident, the car accident… my car accident, you know the one?” Tony waited until Loki made a gesture of acknowledgement. When he detected the slightest bit of nod, he continued, “The damage was just a little bit worse than what people know. Than I want people to know. Don’t freak out, good grief, please, do  _ not _ freak out.”

           Tony started to unbutton his shirt. Loki was looking at him with such intensity he felt like Loki could already see through the not so thin clothing. If Loki had any qualms about him taking his shirt off, he did not show it. Tony trembled slightly at the stare. He noticed Loki’s gaze drifted down to his chest, but Tony kept his eyes on Loki’s face. The inflamed skin must be visible by now. One more button and the old chest piece would be in full view.

           He paused at the said button, and started to explain further, his eyes tuned in to Loki’s face, watching, waiting for the reaction. “When the car careened out of control, it thought it would be a good idea to merge with me, I don’t know why, it wasn’t like I was in or had any control,” he said lightly with a nervous chuckle. Loki’s face remained stoic. Noting that joking was not the right play, he continued. “What all the means is that there are now a substantial amount of metallic debris left in my vascular system. All of them are on a straight path to my heart, which would cause lacerations and you know, kill me or something,” he added a shrug, like it wasn’t a big deal. Loki’s eyes widened.  _ Of course it was a big deal. _ Finally, he unfastened the button. “This,” he said tapping on the now crude looking chest piece, “is a magnet. It’s holding the debris back. It’s keeping me alive,” he sighed. He kept on unbuttoning the rest and push the shirt back as soon as it was undone to show the battery pack secured at his hip. “This is the current power source. It’s like a regular rechargeable battery, but it only lasts so long. And the frequent charging is corroding something inside the piece. The corrosion is slowly poisoning me. The charging is burning my skin. This battery? It’s killing me.”

           Loki’s jaw had dropped by then. He said nothing in reply, however. Instead, he exhaled like that was the only appropriate response, the movement of his chest clearly visible. Slowly, mesmerized perhaps, he reached for up to touch the chest piece. Tony involuntarily flinched and took a step backward. Loki ended up just holding his hand in surrender.

           “I am  _ so _ sorry,” he said, clearly mortified. “I – I didn’t mean to, I don’t know what I was thinking!”

           Loki started backing away in panic. Tony grabbed his hand, the one he held up, the one he couldn’t seem to put down, the one actually where the red string connected. The red glow pulsated between them, painting both of their skins with the color of fate. Though Tony didn’t want to rely on the string to heal, somehow seeing it connect his soul to Loki’s fueled his waning courage. Tony guided Loki’s hand back to his chest piece. The warmth of Loki’s hand combined with the warmth already emanating from the piece against his skin, sent shocks across his chest which spread to his face. “It’s okay. I need you, Loki. I can’t tell anyone else.  _ You _ can’t tell anyone.”

           Loki’s breath seemed to have hitched again. Maybe he felt the same shockwave that Tony just felt, maybe not. Tony kept his eyes on Loki the whole time and it looked like Loki was miles deep in so many thoughts. All he said after that though was, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise update! because you guys put up with that short one that said kind of nothing lol This one hopefully is a bit more insightful


	10. Vegas Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony keeps trying to breakdown Loki's walls. Does he succeed?

 

“Remind me again what’s wrong with having them separate?” Loki tried to sell him the idea of not merging the power source with the magnet for the millionth time. He tinkered with the metal pieces on the desk with his back to Tony. They were laid out like jigsaw puzzle pieces, and the way it was going, they might as well be.

They had been working together for at least two months. It was probably more than that. The discomfort that Tony felt in the beginning when he first shared his space with Loki was just a distant memory now. As a matter of fact, he felt incomplete whenever he worked in his lab without Loki, especially if he was working on the chest piece. Somehow it felt wrong; even though it was his own personal project, it felt like betrayal. 

Loki tested the waters in the beginning too. At first he barely came around a couple of times a week, mostly a weekend, and he wouldn’t stay long. He would keep to his designated lab bench and just work on drafting and sketching schematics. He never came around when Tony wasn’t there, and even with his own keycard, he still rang the doorbell on the front door. Neither of them could pinpoint when all of that dissolved though. These days Loki spent most of his free time with Tony at his lab, coming twice a day at least, sometimes three times, during his lunch break in between classes - though Tony never saw him eat except for that one time they ate together - and by together meaning each of them had a sandwich in hand while working. 

“Do you ever eat?” Tony asked Loki instead of granting him an explanation. His back was to Loki too, he was busy tinkering with his own pieces.

“I can’t make them fit,” Loki almost sounded like he was whining. Frustration was clear and present in his voice.

“Food? Like in your stomach? Because you’re like a twig? I mean, if you ate more, you wouldn’t be a twig.” Tony stopped working and turned around so that he was facing Loki; an idea brewing in his head.

“What?” Loki kept working, distracted by the dilemma in front of him.

“Seriously, I don’t ever see you eat.”

“What are you on about?” Loki turned and was looking at him now with full annoyance in his face. An expression Tony had gotten fond of.

“Eating. Obviously.”

“I was talking about your chest piece,” Tony was sure Loki would have said something like “you dolt” if only he wasn’t the boss. But he couldn’t hold on to that thought for too long because at that time Loki had picked up a random metal rod and a metal ring from the workbench. He slipped the rod through the ring and was jamming them together repeatedly as a demonstration. The imagery was downright scandalous. At least in Tony’s head, because of the imagery that it conveyed, Tony would be lying, if he hadn’t thought of that repeatedly before. He wasn’t sure if Loki was doing it on purpose. 

“And I was talking about eating,” Tony contested but his mouth had gone dry and his voice had come out a little raspier.

“You don’t eat either,” Loki put down the two metal pieces on the table, the rod left in the ring. He leaned on his one arm against the table.

“I eat… occasionally,”Tony retorted though looking at Loki now and with the mental image that Loki delivered a minute ago with the rod, intentionally or unintentionally, he himself wasn’t sure anymore which context he was referring to.

Tony swore he saw something else in Loki’s eyes too that replaced the earlier annoyance. A hint of mischief. A touch of lust. A tell that he knew where the conversation could go. It seemed like the same switch up that Loki had done that first night in the hotel. It didn’t help Tony that Loki responded with, “I’m not opposed to eating.”

Tony reflexively licked his lips. It was too obvious, Tony knew, only a blind man would miss that reaction. He cleared his throat and straightened. Tony could be projecting but Loki seemed pleased with himself. Would he, should he, continue the innuendo? Because he could. This was old hand to him, a second nature to what seemed like his past self, but second nature he wouldn’t mind playing again with Loki. And Loki seemed like a willing participant in this game; he could push to see how far the younger engineer would go. 

But he did promise to maintain a professional relationship. If his hard on was any indication, that was harder and harder to do.

Still, he supposed, he should try and keep that. 

“Have dinner with me then,” those were the words that chose to come out of his mouth. Okay. Maybe not too professional.

The furrows on Loki’s eyebrows came back. Surely, he was expecting the innuendos to continue; because then he could brush them off as jokes. A dinner, Tony knew, and Tony knew that Loki knew, could mean something else.

“Uh…,” then Loki gave a humorless, half chuckle, “...Mr. Stark -”

“-Tony. And you know to call me that. You’ve been calling me Tony for a while now.”

“Yes, but… I don’t, we don’t have to- I can - “

“Relax, babe,” Tony said with a smile. He said it to placate Loki who seemed to be drowning, trying to come up with an excuse. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. I’m just hungry and you can’t possibly work on an empty stomach. It’s just food.”

“You meant right now?” Loki, asked like the concept was absurd. He set the metal pieces down. Either he was more preoccupied by the dinner or he was ignoring 'babe' on purpose.

“Yep,” Tony replied. He started to move around the lab, getting ready to go which he hoped meant he wasn’t leaving any room for Loki to say no. “What are you in the mood for?”

“It’s just,” Loki, however, did not budge from where he was, “there’s still so much to figure out.” He gestured to the mess of ideas behind him on the table. 

Tony paused in his tracks. “Okay. You’re right. We don’t even have to leave. We’ll order in. BUT, we are going to take a break once the food is here.”

“Uh,” because what else could Loki really say.

“It’s settled. So what are you in the mood for?” Tony asked again. He satisfactorily got rid of his hard on and got a date with Loki… sort of. Loki just didn’t know that it was one. 

\-----------------------

Tony and Loki had the full view of the city below them from the rooftop but the only thing that could amaze Tony that afternoon were how green the sunset had made Loki’s eyes. The rooftop was furnished with cushy lounge chairs yet they both found themselves on the floor leaning against the glass barricade. There was a chill in the air that permitted Tony to wear sweatpants and a hoodie. Loki was still wearing the jeans he wore in from class; a blanket draped across his shoulders since he’d forgotten his jacket downstairs in the lab and his t-shirt didn’t stand a chance. Tony had forgotten the comfortable feeling of the rooftop. It was somewhere he used to get peace and perspective but like the lab, it was another part of the house that he’d neglected. They ate directly from Chinese food boxes, over a bonfire that provided them some warmth, and though Loki was reluctant at first, they made easy talk.

“You’re really good a this,” Tony remarked, gesturing to Loki with his own chopsticks.

Loki shrugged. “I suppose as a student you eat a lot of takeaways.” He expertly popped a bite of rice into his mouth with the chopsticks. 

“You don’t cook?” Tony mocked.

“I do,” Loki said defensively, “I don’t appreciate the judgment. How about you?”

Tony chuckled. “No judgment, just wondering. And no, I don’t. Not without involving the fire department at least.”

“No surprise there,” Loki teased. Tony figured he should’ve have been offended by the bold response but he wasn’t, though he supposed if it had come from anyone else would have. Red String or not, Loki had a way of lulling him into playful conversation. Periodically, they would take a pause in conversation and just eat in silence, enjoying the food and the presence of company. But the silence between them was never awkward and never lasted long. Tony used those silent moments to sneak glances at Loki’s hand, like he was still making certain that the red string- his red string- was still there.

“You should really consider separating the parts,” Loki suggested again. Tony could tell his mind never left the subject and though they’ve been through different topics that night, Loki had been churning the idea in his head.

“Couldn’t just take a break and not talk about work, could you?” Tony teased but his mind was on the same level. He couldn’t turn his off either even if he tried. 

“I do work for you,” Loki retorted.

“But right now is break time,” Tony almost whined. 

“I’m just saying, they would maximize better.”

Tony had considered this several times. By letting the magnet and the arc reactor exist separately, both would perform at their full potential. It was only Tony’s vanity and discomfort that stood in the way. Part of the reason why he needed a new chest piece - aside from the one killing him right now - was because he could no longer stand having to hide two mechanisms. So yes, they would maximize better, but Tony would rather not deal with that.

“They don’t really need to. Maximize, that is,” Tony replied. “Don’t worry, I have faith you’ll figure it out.”

“I didn’t know Tony Stark was capable of abstract ideals such as faith. I thought you were a man of science,” Loki feigned scorn.

“Oh, babe, I’m full of surprises,” he said with a wink. If the sobriquet had made Loki uncomfortable, he didn’t show it. Instead, they both fell in that silence again.  _ If you only knew, _ Tony thought. The sun was getting low by then, disappearing behind surrounding structures. The broken rays struggling to hold on to daylight painted the rooftop floor. Most of their light was coming from the bonfire now but neither of them was bothered by how dim it got. It only bothered Tony that this easy time wit Loki would be over soon.

“He’s my brother,” Loki said suddenly.

The declaration took Tony by surprise. Ever since Loki dodged personal questions from him that first time, he was careful not to prod into the young engineer’s affairs again. Of course curiosity burned inside him, but he would rather not push Loki away by being overly nosy. So in his surprise and confusion all he could reply was, “Huh?”

“Thor. He’s my brother,” Loki repeated like it explained everything. “You asked about him before. I don’t know, I figured you trusted me enough with this thing, I just felt, I don’t know…” He looked up at Tony, who was looking right back at him. Tony saw the flames dance in his green eyes. 

“You don’t owe me anything, Loki,” Tony assured though he was grateful for Loki opening up to him. It felt like it meant something. Something else. Something more.

“I know, it’s just, I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t discuss family matters with anyone else, but with you, it seemed like I should. Like I could.” He said with a shrug before turning away.

“Okay,” Tony replied, not really knowing what more to say, not when his own emotions were going haywire at the moment. They could fall back into the silence and enjoy the oncoming night, or they could keep talking about it. He would let Loki decide for the both of them.

“You must think it weird and awful, what happened that night at Justin’s party, knowing he’s my brother. That he would put me through something like that,” Loki sighed and looked up to the orange-pink sky. He had put his food down and wrapped his arms around his knees against his chest. Whether he was shielding himself from the cold, or from this personal conversation, it was hard to tell.

In truth, despite the fact that Tony already knew of their relationship, he hardly thought about what Thor had done to Loki that night. He suddenly felt awful about ignoring that fact. He was and had been more focused about getting the brothers out of that certain bad situation with Hammer that the tiny detail that Thor was about to sell his brother out escaped him. Perhaps it was because he was successful in preventing it from happening; that Thor hadn’t in fact whored out his brother; that that tiny detail seemed inconsequential because it was never a thing. 

“It was my understanding that it came from a mighty need and that he was in a position that he didn’t have a choice,” Tony said. He said it to placate both Loki and his own conscience. He continued, “I promised him I wouldn’t lay a hand on you that night. I don’t know if he meant for me to see, but something changed in his eyes. He didn’t want you to do it, Loki, with Hammer or with me.”

“Hm,” Loki contemplated then he looked back at Tony again and sighed. “Yeah, I love him, too. I don’t even know why.” 

Tony gave him an easy smile. He didn’t have any siblings, and he’d lost his family early on in life so he couldn’t say he fully understood the bond but he could tell Loki meant every word. “You guys don’t look alike,” he noted but he wasn’t supposed to note that out loud. “Uh, sorry. Just an observation.”

“No we don’t,” Loki chuckled. And just like that, the solemnity of the subject disappeared just as the sun had from the sky. As it got darker, the rooftop lit up from hundreds of little lightbulbs and fiber optic cables. They were so small, they were barely noticeable in the daylight. But at night, they shone like stars. Tony forgot how much he loved his own private galaxy. Loki looked all around him, something like in his eyes. Then, he blinked several times as if to shake it off. “We should head back inside, lest the mosquitoes feast.” Loki stood up in one fluid motion and offered Tony his hand to help him up. Tony didn’t need it but he took it anyway. He guessed they weren’t going to further into family matters that night. Or anything else. But Tony didn’t mind, he sensed something changed between them. 

“You look like you’re about to freeze, go get warmed up inside,” he told Loki, who, after shedding his blanket cocoon started to slightly shiver at the chill. Tony started to pick up their leftover food.

“Let me help you with those,” Loki said instead of going inside.

“No, no,” Tony shooed him away. “I got these, you go. I’ll meet you in the lab.”

“Are you sure,” Loki hesitated to move towards anything.

“I can occasionally take care of things,” he said sarcastically. “Please go, it hurts me more to see you shiver.” Tony had all the boxes and waste at this point in both hands. There was nothing else Loki could do to help, all that was left to do was deposit them into the trash can that was conveniently three feet away.

“Alright,” Loki conceded in a sing-song voice when Tony walked away from him and towards the trash can. “But I don’t shiver,” he added more sternly.

“If it gets you to go inside, fine,” he looked back at his “personal assistant” with a smile.

Loki held his hands up in surrender and walked inside and out of view without anymore retort. Tony dropped their garbage into the trash can. As soon as he heard the roof door shut and was sure Loki could no longer see him, he vomited into the can.  _ Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am having the biggest. writer'. block. even though i feel like i'm at least making progress with tony & loki's relationship. i need to clean up some stuff and explain some stuff and im stuck. please bear with me :) this chapter is kind of a peace offering for that haha


	11. Ballad of Mona Lisa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony makes amends and find some answers

Tony balanced the pizza box and the six pack on one hand so he could knock on the door a second time. He checked his watch and looked back at Happy who was waiting in the car idling in front of the brownstone. He could turn around and leave, he should turn around and leave. It was an ungodly hour for a visit, but it literally took him all day plus a few more hours to gather the courage and make the decision to come. He was bouncing on his toes, from the chill and from the anticipation. He only wore a leather jacket over his t-shirt and though his was fairly thick, he couldn’t fathom how Loki survived without more layers. He was poised to knock a third time when he heard the locks unlatch from the inside.

“Tony?” The owner of the house greeted him with confusion as the door swung open.

“Hey!” Tony greeted back. “I have pizza from your favorite place and beer! Well, beer for you, I have a couple of cold brew for me.” Despite the startle, the owner stepped aside, really not knowing what else to do at this point besides roll his eyes. Tony took it to be a welcome for him to step inside, happy to have an escape from the night cold. He glanced back at the car and waved before stepping through. Happy nodded from inside the car and drove off.

“What time is it?” his host asked groggily while rubbing his eyes awake.

“It’s only 11, old man,” Tony teased. He set the pizza down on the coffee table and flopped himself on the couch. “You used to stay up later than this, Rhodey, I  _ know _ .” He winked at his best friend. The brownstone welcomed him like an old friend, its interior brick walls comforting him like a hug he hadn’t gotten from a someone for a long time. It hadn’t changed much since he’d been here last. It absolutely lacked a feminine touch but it screamed of Rhodey with its military precision and minimalism.

“You only know because I’ve had to wait up for your ass back in college,” Rhodey begrudgingly sat down on the opposite loveseat and said goodbye to sleep. He wasn’t going to get rid of Tony any time soon.

“Uhm, I remember that backwards,” Tony contested even though he knew Rhodey was right.

“As much as I love your company,” Rhodey said with every bit of sarcasm, “why are you here at almost midnight?”

“Okay, first, midnight is like an hour away, that doesn’t mean almost. Second, I know you love me, and I’ve come with apology pizza,” he smiled big and wide for effect, “See?” Tony opened the box to let the aroma out.

“What are you talking about and you can’t bribe me with pizza,” Rhodey said, seemingly unaffected by the smile but he reached out, grabbed a slice anyway. He tried to take a bite but the pizza had something else in mind. He tilted his head back, held the pizza up high in front of him and tried to catch the tail of the pizza with his tongue.

“Ugh,” Tony said, disturbed by Rhodey’s acrobatics. “If you just folded like I told you, I wouldn’t have to suffer. See?” He performed exactly what he had just described and took a bite with ease.

“Uh, no, because then it’s just a nasty tomato and cheese sandwich,” Rhodey argued. He took another bite of his own slice, easier this time and without any acrobatics now that it was less floppy. “Seriously, though. What’s with the visit?”

“What? Pizza not a good enough reason?”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Rhodey said as he cracked open a beer. “I was the one who sent you spiraling again. I would have apologized sooner if you haven’t been icing me.”

“Who said I was the one apologizing? I said it was an apology pizza, not that I was,” he reached for his own drink. He took a swig and said, “Apology accepted.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Rhodey said, but smiled anyway. He extended his bottle and Tony met the toast with a  _ clink _ . “You know you could have just called.”

“I know.”

“There’s something you want to talk about.” It wasn’t a question. After all these years, Rhodey had learned how to read Tony and it sometimes made their friendship easier for Rhodey to be the opener on conversations like these. It was how he helped younger Tony cope and survive his father’s death with minimal damage. After much trial and error that their friendship endured, it was how Rhodey could get Tony to open up. But it only worked if Tony was truly ready to have a conversation. This might have been a different scenario, but the equation was the same.

“What do you know about fate?” Tony asked without further preamble.

“Fate? Like predestination? Or soulmates?” Whatever Rhodey was expecting Tony wanted to talk about, this was not it.

“Yeah,” Tony replied simply.

“Uh, okay,” Rhodey took a pause to think for a bit. “Well, there’s allegedly a red string that connects soulmates-“

“Everybody knows that part,” Tony said impatiently.

“Well if you let me finish, maybe you’ll learn something more,” Rhodey said pointedly. “So the red string, it’s supposed to be this unbreakable thing. Like it can stretch so distance is not really a factor, but ultimately the string is supposed to bring people together eventually.”

“Keep going, I knew that part, too.”

“Fine. You can’t see it, right? So you can’t use it to go looking for your other half and why a lot of people don’t really believe it exists. Also why people still end up in relationships that fail; because they don’t really know if that’s the one,” Tony knew Rhodey added that bit for him. “And even if the soulmates do get together, they still can’t get the red string confirmation until both parties have accepted each other in some way. Somehow, the string just brings people together.”

“Huh,” Tony contemplated.

When Tony didn’t say anything else that indicated this was information he already had, Rhodey gave a satisfied grin. He kept on, “There’s also buzz about this drug, Extremis, that lets you see your string. Some people use it as some sort of confirmation when they’re dating. It’s weird. I’m surprised you didn’t know about that,” he joked.

“Oh no, I knew about Extremis, I just didn’t know it let you see the string. I thought it just gave you a pretty potent high that makes you psychotic. But it’s supposed to be worse than heroin on the addictive scale. I never got into it.”

“Yeah, it’s bad, Tony. I’m glad you never touched that trash,” Rhodey said with genuine sincerity. “Anyway, the psychosis and the addictiveness related to the string. It let people see the string as a side effect of the high but it only lets you see it for so long. So people get addicted to taking it and they keep taking it to keep chasing their string. And the compounded high eventually leads to permanent psychosis. In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter if they do find their soulmate if they lost their mind in the process. You know?”

“Interesting.”

“Tell me you’re not thinking about taking this shit.”

“I’m not.”

“Is this about…?“ Rhodey nervously hesitated to ask.

“Pepper? It’s okay,” Tony assured him, “You can say her name. It’s not.”

“Well, is it? Tony, whatever happened between you two, if it was meant –“

“I swear, if you say ‘if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be’ I’m taking back the apology pizza and I might also kill you,” Tony threatened.

“I’m just saying-“

“It’s not about her or what happened between us. I just got curious.”

“You never ‘just’ get curious, Tony. I mean you do, but when you finally talk about it, it’s usually because you were already figuring something out,” said as a matter of factly. He pulled the pizza box closer to his side of the table though, protective and possessive of it.

“What if I said I can see mine?” Tony asked careful to leave the casual tone in his voice.

“I would say, you weren’t thinking about taking Extremis, you already took it.”

Tony leaned forward as if he was about to drop a conspiracy on Rhodey. “I can see it without Extremis,” he said plainly.

“That’s impossible. You can’t. That’s the whole design of the String.”

“I know who’s at the other end.”

“Again, impossible. It’s blind faith on fate. If you can see it, it’s not blind. It’s too easy. If you followed it on your own accord, it’s not fate,” Rhodey paused to take a bite of his pizza. He looked like he was contemplating what Tony had just said. “Let’s say you  _ can  _ see it-”

“I  _ can _ see it-”

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Whatever. How’d you know who was at the other end? Did you go looking?”

“Actually,” Tony relaxed back into his couch. “No. I didn’t. I just ran into him.” It wasn’t a complete lie. He did run into Loki but he took matters in his own hands to bring the two of them together. After all, wasn’t that what the Red String Dude had told him to do?

“You ran into him?” Rhodey asked skeptically.

“Yeah. So that’s still fate,” he said proudly.

“You ran into  _ him? _ ” Rhodey asked again.

“Yes!” Tony confirmed a little too impatiently. “I don’t know why you don’t believe- oh!”Tony stopped short when the realization came to him. “Yes,  _ him _ .”

“It’s not Pepper.” It wasn’t a question but it seemed like it was.

“No, it’s not.” Tony said it like with acceptance. Dial back a few weeks and Tony might have collapsed into panic again but this time, he didn’t. This time, he’d confronted the emotions behind Pepper to make room for the ones for Loki. “Just because it wasn’t meant to be, doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell.”

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

“I know, that’s why I brought the pizza,” Tony smiled at Rhodey, and though he didn’t have a panic attack at the discussion of Pepper, there were still traces of pain there. He took a sip of his drink to swallow that gurgling emotion.

“I hate you,” Rhodey said jokingly. After grabbing another slice, he continued, “he can’t see it.”

Tony looked at his best friend square in the face with a raised eyebrow. “How’d you know?”

“Call it an apology pizza, but you wouldn’t be here if he could.”

“That’s harsh. I visit you all the time!”

“Um, no you don’t.  _ I _ visit  _ you _ . And you kick me out so you can play with your toys in your lab.”

“That happened one time and it was because you gave me an arrhythmia,” Tony replied defensively. Though he was glad that the conversation had steered away from the subject of heartache.

“Panic attacks don’t give you arrhythmia, Tony,” Rhodey rolled his eyes. “You’re falling for him.”

“What the fuck? No, I’m not,” Tony denied mostly because he didn’t know if he was. Or he’d known, maybe, but it wasn’t something he was ready to admit. No, he wasn’t falling for him. He craved Loki’s company, sure; he marveled at his mind, how it worked, how it came to conclusions,and solved problems; he preferred to listen to his voice, listen to him talk about anything, everything, and nothing over any other song he’d ever listen to. But none of those meant he was falling for the guy, it only meant that he had been good company. That was what he told himself.

“Mhm,” Rhodey hummed unconvinced. “I see it in your eyes, Tony. You’re reeling. It’s driving you nuts that he can’t see the string. It would be so much easier, you wouldn’t have to say anything, do anything. I’m guessing he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“I hired him. He wants to keep it professional.”

“You’re stupid.”

“What?” Whatever he expected Rhodey to say, it wasn’t that.

“You’re stupid,” Rhodey said with a shrug. “Why’d you hire him if you meant to make him fall in love with you, asshat? You could’ve just asked him out on a date like a normal person.”

“I didn’t - I’m not trying to make him fall in love with me! And I don’t … ask people out on a date.”

“Ah, the Tony Stark, billionaire playboy dilemma. Sucks to be the top dog, huh?”

“Well, no it didn’t,” Tony winked at Rhodey. He was hinting at all his college, and well, pre-Pepper, trysts that Rhodey knew all too well. Tony Stark didn’t ask people out on a date, because he didn’t need to. People lined out the door to have a night with Tony Stark. And that absolutely did not suck, at least not in the non-literal way. He never even thought about dating and falling in love and settling down until Pepper Potts and even then, he supposed he never really had to ask Pepper out. The only thing Tony fell in love with before her was pleasure and pleasure meant sex, drugs, drinks, and rock and roll. Pepper changed the game and now, so did Loki Odinson. “Well, he has to fall for me, right? He’s on the other end of my red string, which can’t break, so eventually, he will because of, as you say, fate.”

“Not if you keep being a spaz.” Rhodey laughed.

“I resent that,” Tony narrowed his eyes at his best friend. “I am not a spaz,” he grumbled.

“So, how come you have special treatment?”

“I don’t know, honestly.” Tony sighed. “I woke up from the coma and I could see the String, or at least I think I can. Half the time, I’m debating with myself that I’m hallucinating and going crazy,” he took a beat. “The only confirmation I have that it  _ is _ the Red String is that I saw him in my dream while I was in a coma. So, really that’s just more evidence that I am going crazy, right? I mean I saw Dad, too.”

“Wow. Yeah, I’d think you’re crazy too,” Rhodey teased. “Lucky for you, I  _ already _ think you’re crazy and this thing kind of make sense.”

“It does?” Tony said with both surprise and skepticism in his voice.

“Yeah, I mean it’s a general belief. So, it’s plausible,” Rhodey said with a shrug. He finished off his current slice before asking, “What does it look like?”

“Uh, well, ugly? I assume at least, couldn’t actually see the face. It’s like a big red dementor. You know what those are, right?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Dementors? From Harry Potter! The Red String Dude-”

“I meant the actual string, Tony,” Rhodey said with obvious exasperation. “What does  _ it _ look like?”

“Oh. Why didn’t you say so?” Tony dared to roll his eyes. “Well, it’s red-”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“Why don’t you shut up and listen this time huh? It’s red, it sort of glows,” he continued. “I’ve looked at it closer and I mean, it’s not a single string, so it’s a misleading name. It’s more like a thread that’s made up of a lot of strings that twist together but it’s also delicate looking. I mean some strings kind of break off and stuff. But I can’t touch it to pick it apart, it’s like this ethereal thing. And it does stretch, but not like a rubber band. It’s more like it gets longer or shorter depending on how far Loki is away from me.” Tony said all these like he was trying to figure it out himself, all the while making hand gestures to try and explain and grasp the concept. The string on his finger danced in the air with his movements.

“Okay, two things,” Rhodey said, somewhat ominously. “It’s unbreakable, Tony, it’s not supposed to come apart. Why do you have pieces of it jutting out?”

“I…don’t know. I never thought about it,” Tony replied, perplexed. It was a new dilemma that he had to figure out because Rhodey was right. It wasn’t supposed to do that. The red  _ thread _ wasn’t exactly breaking apart but yes, parts of it were fringing and  _ fraying _ but Tony hadn’t realized until then that that was what was happening. It couldn’t be doing that though, right? It was unbreakable, like Rhodey said. For now, he was going to choose to ignore it, but he knew later that night when he was in his own bed he would keep thinking about it. “What’s the second thing?”

“His name’s Loki?” Rhodey raised an eyebrow at him. It was a question with both intrigue and taunting.

“Yes, shut up and eat your pizza, old man. I know it’s your bedtime, so i’m gonna leave now, okay?” Tony stood up and started to get ready, leaving very little window for Rhodey to stop him.

“Whatever, Tony, but I know you. You’re going to want to talk about your little crush, you’ll be back,” Rhodey said lightly and confidently but he, too, stood up. Tony held up his hand for a dap. Rhodey met his hand and then pulled him into a hug. His best friend gave him hard tap on the back and said to his ear, “You take care, Tony, I’m serious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! if you're still here, I <3 u and thank you for your patience with this incredibly slow burn T___T also I was doing a month long birthday celebration so I wasn't able to write anything OTZ forgive me! hopefully this chapter answers some red string questions


	12. La La

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony accomplishes a thing or two on his to do list.

_ My class ends at 12, meet me in the lab.  _

That was all Loki’s text message had said early that morning. Tony had agreed and asked why but no other messages came through. He couldn’t decide if he should read the text with the tone of excitement or a tone of dread. The punctuation didn’t help; punctuations never do in the context of text messages. It made him sit on the edge of his seat all morning, replaying the message in his head in different tones. Had he ovestep Loki’s boundaries with the dinner? He’d meant to push the envelope, trying to see how far he could go, but in his standards that wasn’t even close to anything that would warrant being too forward. The last thing he’d expected was for Loki to pull away, especially since the guy had just opened up to him, even if it was just a crack. Had Loki felt himself getting too close to Tony? The thought both excited and dismayed him. If Loki was starting to have feelings for him, then he was doing something right, fate was working its magic with him, but it also meant that Loki would start pulling back. The young engineer had made it clear- repeatedly, with unrelenting ferocity- that he wasn’t there for anything more than a professional relationship. He sat in his office, intending to have some Stark Industries work done but he just sat in front of his monitor absently tapping on the letter “L”. Desk work didn’t help distract him, he needed work that required his hands. 

He barely lasted an hour before he couldn’t take it anymore. Preceded by a very loud, frustrated groan, he said, “Jarv, I’m walking home, tell Happy in ten minutes, I don’t feel like dealing with his worried ass.” He grabbed his phone - the culprit - from his desk and hastily pocketed it. 

“Sir, I’m not sure that this is a good idea,” his AI said into his earpiece. “At least let me have Mr. Hogan follow.”

“It’s fine, Jarv. You have ears on me, if something happens you know what to do.”

“You’re not exactly making it easy, sir,” Jarvis chimed. “A three-piece Tom Ford was not made for a leisurely stroll.” The AI was not wrong, despite being around businessmen and women walking the streets, Tony still stood out like a sore thumb. Suddenly, he remembered and missed the days when he walked around in his hoodie and disappeared into the crowd. Nowadays, he was back into being distinctly Tony Stark and while he was used to the fame and the paparazzi, the gawks still made his skin prickle. As he walked by the two burly, goon-like men who kept staring at him even at a distance, he put on a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. It gave him the comfortable illusion that if he could barely see people, maybe they could barely see him. But a pair of red sunglasses didn’t make a person disappear into the masses, it made one stand out more. As he rounded a street corner, he thought he caught a glimpse of the two beasts he saw earlier tailing him, but when turned around he didn’t spot them. Instead he saw a group of paps poised with their lenses at his direction. He gave them a smirk and a wave and kept walking. 

When the uneasy feeling didn’t leave him, he said, “Jarv, get on the surrounding cameras and get me a 360 recording until we get home.”

“Accessing now, sir.” Translation: Jarvis was hacking every single camera around Tony as he walked: traffic cams, ATM cams, security cams, and last resort, phone cams. All of these views would give Tony a composite of his surroundings and it might lead him to an idea about why he felt uneasy. That was a puzzle for another time though, because Loki had already made him feel anxious and he didn’t to add to it.  

He wasn’t going to give his brain any window to think about the different implications of Loki’s text. He was in one way grateful for the various degrees of anxiety and panic that Loki had brought into his life. Somehow, it became his most efficient fuel in getting projects done one of which was nanotech. When he got home, he went straight into his lab and started working on it. Despite it being just a side project, he’d made enormous strides in perfecting it for his own planned purpose. In Big Hero 6, Hiro had made his nanotech capable of being and building anything it wanted to be. It was a structural, industrial breakthrough. Tony wanted to take the idea and transition it to a biologic component. Not only would it be structurally indestructible, much like Hiro’s nanos, it would also be organically regenerative. If he was successful, it could have tremendous medical benefits. He tested his nanos, which were microscopic almost (compared to Hiro’s), in vitro they were able to stitch themselves to free floating cells. That was promising. The feeling of accomplishment washed over him like an old security blanket. He sat back in his chair and let out a huge exhale that was kind of like taking a first breath. Sure, the bond hadn’t last long, and neither did the cells but it was progress. He smiled to himself and drowned in contentment and pride. He almost- ALMOST- forgot about Loki’s text but noon was just around the corner. He wouldn’t suffer for long.

“Tony!” Loki’s voice came into the lab before he even stepped inside.

Tony’s heart skipped a beat, both from dread and from excitement before it went into overdrive. He jumped out of his seat to meet Loki by the door. “Loki!! What’s wrong?” When Tony finally saw Loki, the latter was smiling but out of breath. “Did you run here?”

Loki took a second to catch his breath before responding. “What? Yeah, sort of. Listen,” he said as he led the both of them further into the lab. He set his stuff down by his workstation before facing Tony again, “I’ve been thinking-”

“Uh oh,” Tony cut him off.

“Shut up,” he said sharply but playfully. “I’ve been thinking about that night at the rooftop…”  _ Okay this was promising,  _ Tony thought. “... and I’ve figured it out.”

Tony flipped through his potential responses really fast, what? Figured what out? The two of them? Because what else would need figuring out about that night? Should he say he had been thinking about that night too? But what if that wasn’t what Loki meant? Had Loki seen him puking his guts out, his body rebelling against any kind of nutrition. Did he figure out that Tony was actually more dying than he had let on? 

Before he could say anything, Loki continued, “On the roof, you had lights on fiber optics and I’ve been thinking about it,” Excitement was simply oozing from Loki so Tony decided to do what Loki told him to do and shut up. “We’ll use the same concept. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how to put the magnet and the battery as one single unit I’ve been going about it all wrong. The only thing that needs to be on the core is the power source, and the magnets could be like the fiber optics, they can be free floating in the blood vessel itself, tethered by wires. What kind of surgeon was your doctor?”

The whole idea came out of Loki’s mouth in one breath. It seemed, and Tony was left stunned by the genius of it. “Yinsen? Vascular,” he said in the same stunned manner. It made so much sense it was a wonder they never thought about it before. It was like they were both walking in the dark and hadn’t realized it until the clouds parted and the sun shone. The metallic debris were in the blood vessels, on a one way track to his heart, why not put the magnets in the same highway?

“Perfect!” Loki buzzed with the idea it was hard not to get infected by it. Tony may have had faith in Loki before, but now for the first time he felt truly, genuinely hopeful. “How soon can you get in touch with him? Do you think he can do this?”

“Loki Odinson, I could kiss you,” he blurted.

“I know,” Loki said with a wink but too fast, too soon, he turned away and started to dig in his bag. Tony fought the urge to grab him by the shoulders, turn him around, kiss him hard until kissing became breathing. Before he could savor the image in his head, however, Loki was already showcasing some sketches. “The magnets would have to be pretty small, so they could only be powerful enough to hold the shrapnels in place against the tide.” Tony should be paying attention, but all he wanted right now was to chase back to that moment, when Loki had agreed to kiss him. Kind of? Loki did agree to it, right? At most, it was affirmation, but it was more than Tony had ever gotten out of Loki. Could he get back to that? Ths new magnet and the prospect of maybe not dying anymore were exciting and all, but damn, Tony had thought about how Loki’s lips would feel against his for too long, he needed to make it happen. 

But Loki was already miles away from the kissing topic. Tony had no choice but to follow him.

“So if we do this…” Loki began their brainstorming. He walked Tony through his idea over some sketches that, presumably, he’d drawn while he was in class. The sketch accurately represented how urgently Loki needed to get the idea down on paper. It was rather crude with arrows and descriptions and scratched off captions. He pointed excitedly at different parts, his face scrunched up in concentration. Occasionally, Tony would say, “how about…” but the concept was so solid that he really didn’t need to improve on it. They were so engrossed in it and the planning of building it that when Loki’s phone went off, they both startled. Loki seemed like he was going to ignore it at first and then it looked like a very important thought had struck him. Suddenly, he said, “Wait, I’ve got to check that,” dropped the pencil and walked away from the table over to his bag.

Tony watched his personal assistant. Whatever that message was, it had wound Loki up. Even more so when Loki reached his phone and started to read the message. “Is everything okay?” he asked. The way that Loki’s expressions had made a full 180 got Tony concerned. 

“I… yes… yeah… I’ve got to go,” Loki replied without looking up from his phone. He was typing out a text message in reply - lengthy and urgent from the looks of it.

“Are you alright?” Tony repeated his question.

“Yes,” Loki finally looked up from his phone, his already pale face even whiter. “I am so sorry. I realize this is incredibly unprofessional, but there’s been a family emergency. Is it alright for me to go?”

“Of course,” Tony said immediately. the idea that Tony would even hold Loki hostage for his piece of metal against his own family emergency seemed absurd. 

“I do apologize, wholeheartedly,” Loki sighed, probably in relief. “I will explain later.”

“You don’t owe me one,” Tony reassured. “Let me know if you need anything?”

“Okay,” Loki said. And then uncharacteristically, he put one arm around Tony and gave him a squeeze. “Thank you,” he said to Tony’s ear. Tony felt the warmth tingle all the way to his toes, goosebumps raising everywhere in his body, the red string pulling at his finger excitedly - or was nervously?. Before he could register the gesture, however, Loki was out the door.

 

* * *

 

Loki’s abrupt departure left Tony worried. At this point though, what else was new. Loki had found several different ways to keep Tony’s heart rate and blood pressure elevated. It tested his creativity in finding ways to distract himself. Mercifully, Loki’s idea had given him some affairs to attend to. The first phone call he made was to Yinsen. He gave the good doctor the details of the new chest piece. Yinsen was a tad apprehensive about how invasive the implant would be. He enumerated all the risks and possible complications the surgery would present - infections, altered cardiovascular functions, recovery time, etc. Tony countered with the fact that it couldn’t be much worse than what he was currently going through. He told Yinsen how he’d felt like his insides were on fire, and the continued tightening of his chest. Tony got a reprimand from the doctor in return. Yinsen scolded him on how he should have kept him updated and in the loop. Tony had initially downplayed the symptoms, While the good doctor = had assumed the worst, now it was confirmed. Ultimately, Yinsen had agreed to the extremely involved procedure and the new chest piece - if only to prevent Tony from dying from poisoning. 

“Okay,” the good doctor said. “But I would prefer your engineer present during.”

“You want Loki there? Like, to perform surgery with you?” Tony bewildered. 

“Not to perform the surgery, Mr. Stark,” Yinsen assured, “He could already take your job, no need for him to take mine. My knowledge of your chest piece only extends to the organic and biological aspects of it and you will be unavailable to walk me through the mechanics. Seeing as this is as much Mr. Odinson’s idea, I need him to assist me in implanting it.”

“I see,” Tony said apprehensively. It wasn’t that he did not trust Loki, in fact, it had been proven several times that he’s put more trust in the young engineer than he had into anybody else. The thought that Loki would be there to see him in such a vulnerable state was something that ate at him. It was emasculating, for one, and he was after all, still trying to woo the guy. Besides that, Loki had no other personal connection to him. Perhaps, Tony simply did not want to hear Loki refuse to be there for him for something so personal as a major surgery.

“Only if you consent, however,” Yinsen said when he sensed the hesitation. “I am confident that I would be capable of placing the chest piece without him, if that is what you would prefer.”

“I’ll see if he’s up to it,” Tony said ultimately. He was biding time for his thoughts to gather and his courage to build up to ask Loki. It was too big a deal to ask and it seemed almost like he was going to ask him to hold his hand during a scary time. And the fact that Loki still had a medical emergency to deal with did not making asking any easier. Tony was aware he had to undergo the procedure soon, as soon as yesterday, actually, but the chest piece wasn’t even built yet and he, himself, refused to build it without Loki. Tony had asked Jarvis to locate and place orders for the materials they needed; which meant that they could get started on the build soon. With the new design, the problem that Tony was encountering with the power source was virtually nonexistent. The blueprint for it was almost perfected. Loki’s notes and sketches, however crude and infantile in its stages, were easy enough to follow and enhance that Tony could finish the whole chest piece without him. 

But Tony wouldn’t. Tony couldn’t. It felt like betrayal. This was Loki’s brainchild and at this point, Tony would rather suffer a few more emesis episodes and blood poisoning before taking this away from him.

He needed to know that Loki was alright. And for some reason, he needed to know that his family was alright. But it had only been a few hours and it seemed too soon to check on Loki already. Needing distraction again, he turned his attention back to his nanotech. It didn’t seem ideal to ignore a problem with another problem but this was one frustration Tony could find concrete solutions with. Or at least, had someone available to discuss it with. The roadblock he was facing with the nanotech was, alas, another organic one. Mechanically speaking, the nanos were fully functional. They could mesh and web themselves together into a larger object. It could be exactly like Hiro’s and that wasn’t satisfactory to Tony. He needed to take it further, he needed it to be able to have organic regenerative capabilities and in order to do that, he needed someone with bioengineering expertise. He needed Dr. Bruce Banner.

Banner was an old, estranged colleague - not because of a falling out, but because Banner had taken it upon himself to fall off the face of the Earth. His reputation was left smeared worse than dirt when all his work was discredit due to one minor incident. He had performed unsanctioned gamma ray testing on a human being. Never mind that the human being was himself. When the experiment failed and left behind catastrophic effects, the majority of the scientific community labelled him a kook and a hack. It besmirched all his other studies. With his reputation in shreds, Dr. Banner disappeared. Though Tony believed that because Banner has had ugly anger management issues in the past, the scientific community was just looking for a way to drive him out. Everyone except, Tony, of course. Because he knew genius when he saw it and he wasn’t going to let Banner go to waste. He was able to locate the doctor a year ago, for fun, admittedly, just to prove that he could. But since then, and through coded correspondence, they’d exchange ideas. It was time again, he figured, to reach out.

With the single word message, “Smash,” sent, Tony had pretty much completed every task he needed and was running out of distractions. It was well into the evening, and not surprisingly, he hadn’t heard from Loki. He had Thor’s number from the night of Hammer’s party, he could find out that way, if he was desperate- and he was getting there. Curiosity and worry ganging up and killing him.  He had it queued up on his phone, his finger hovered on the green call button.

Jarvis chimed in.

“Sir,” his AI said, too ominously for a machine. “There’s something you should see.” 

Tony flipped the phone screen side down on his desk. Surprisingly feeling relief at the interruption. “Show me,” he said.

Several screens popped up in front of him. They were still shots from the various cameras that Jarvis had accessed during his hurried walk this morning. His skin prickled again. “Am I looking at what I think I’m looking at?”

“It would appear so, sir.” His AI replied. “Facial recognition marked these two guys,” his screen zoomed in on two faces, “and seemed to have followed you home.”

They were the two burly guys who he had caught staring at him. He thought, as he rounded the corner that they were following him, but he quickly dismissed the idea to his paranoia. But looking at his screens now, those two faces, unmistakeable and prominent, were just a few feet behind him on every street. Was this a concern? Tony Stark had left the shady world behind - but his fame and his reputation as a weapons manufacturer always attracted some danger. He was used to it as they very rarely came to fruition. His security detail had always been on point at stopping any threat that came to him even when he himself had been more than a little careless. 

“Security footage around the mansion?” he asked Jarvis.

Jarvis switched his screens to the footage around the mansion itself and the surrounding streets. “They loitered across the street up until the pont that Mr. Odinson arrived,” Jarvis informed him. The screens fast played to Loki’s arrival running up the driveway. The two goons seemed to have conversed with each other, made a phone call, and then casually walked away out of view of the security cameras. Tony never saw them come back into the security views so he wasn’t certain what they’d done after. The behavior was concerning, they didn’t seem like the typical paparazzi or Stark fanatics - they didn’t look like fanatics at all. Tony wouldn’t have been concerned about them if it wasn’t for the incident with Hammer. Certainly, it wasn’t just Hammer that he’d pissed off with sending the police to investigate his parties. Other “businessmen” were surely affected.. He wasn’t only concerned for his own safety, but maybe, Loki’s too - and  _ that _ felt like an anvil on his chest.

“Send this to Happy, Jarv. Give him the rundown. I’m sure he’ll find a reason to yell at me for this.”

“Already sent, sir,” Jarvis replied.  

 

* * *

 

“Of course, I’ll be there.” 

Loki was gone for a week, but he had come back like he wasn’t gone at all. Loki never mentioned why he was gone, Tony never asked, though it ate at him. The younger engineer had looked paler than Tony remembered but the latter was in no place to judge. He, too, had take the turn for the worse. He was sure his skin had gotten sallower, cheeks hollower, as he hadn’t been able to keep any solid food down at all. His deadline was coming up, but if Loki had noticed, he never asked about it either. Neither of them looked at each other now, even as they conversed. Perhaps due to avoidance, but mainly because they had been focused on the task at hand. They were in full swing of constructing the arc reactor, which was, impressively, even to Tony’s standards, almost complete. 

“Don’t feel obliged,” Tony said to cover up the relief that washed over him with Loki’s response. “Yinsen wanted me to ask, he said it would probably be smoother if an engineer who knew how the reactor worked was present.”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Loki said plainly. He was sculpting a piece of metal as the reactor’s casing.

“It’s not in your job description, it wouldn’t fair if i mandated you to do it,” Tony continued as if Loki hadn’t said anything. For his part, he was twining together some electrical wires. 

Loki set down his equipment and swiveled his chair to face Tony’s workstation. “Tony,” he said quietly. He didn’t say anything else until Tony looked up from his wires. Loki rolled his chair over to him so that they were face to face. “You’re not mandating me to go.” For a moment it looked like Loki was going to reach for Tony’s hands. Instead he just made a weird gesture, maybe to cover up. “If your surgeon needs me there, I’ll be there. If  _ you _ need me there,” he paused, his Adam’s apple visibly bobbed in his throat, “of course, I’ll be there.”

They looked at each other eye to eye for a moment, silence filling the space between them. Tony was trying to read Loki, trying to read the situation. The sincerity was there, it was plain as day, plain as the blue sky that painted Loki’s eyes. If Tony believed in right moments, this would have been the one where he leans over to kiss him. It would be so easy, too easy. There was almost no distance between them. Even the red string pulled excitedly at his fingers, like it was yelling at him to go for it. But he didn’t know what to make of the situation. Loki was looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered but his voice echoed in Tony’s head when he said the relationship needed to stay professional. The concern could have been wholly platonic. His mouth opened slightly in indecisiveness, a small exhale was all he could muster. Was this Loki just trying to be nice? Was this him being an impressive employee? Was it pity? The budding engineer surely hadn’t known that this was a life or death thing for Tony. But the cadence in Loki’s voice had been soft and warm and reassuring.  _ Of course, I’ll be there.  _ Like,  _ how could you think otherwise _ ?

“Thank you,” Tony said ultimately, disappointing even himself. “I’m sure Yinsen appreciates the help.”

Loki blinked. That was the only movement he did. There was no change in expression, but the skies in his eyes seemed to have turned stormy gray.

_ Fuck _ . Tony thought. Had he messed up? Why had he added that last bit? He’d messed up, and he knew it. In his head, he imagined the Red String Dude face-palming himself.

“Great!” Loki said with a ring of finality as he straightened up. He swivelled his chair and moved back to his spot on the workstation.

“Good,” Tony echoed, but he hadn’t meant it. He rubbed his hands on his lap. They had started to shake and he hadn’t even realized it. The red string on his finger was less excited now, even that was expressing its disappointment. 

They continued to work in silence for what seemed like an eternity. He had needed to borrow a piece of the casing from Loki to fit his wires twenty minutes ago but talking to him again seemed testy.. The awkwardness and the tension was swallowing both of them and filling the room. Or maybe it was just all in Tony’s head. Maybe there was no awkwardness at all, maybe he hadn’t done a misstep. There was no other noise except for the occasional clangs of equipment both engineers were using and the low hum of machines in the background. Tony would have asked Jarvis to resume the music that played earlier but he couldn’t bring himself to talk out loud at the moment. But he’d stalled long enough. He’d moved on towards the other wires but they all still needed to be fitted into the casing. He was running out of reasons not to approach Loki.

When did Tony Stark lose his game?

The truth was, Tony never needed game, he  _ was _ the game. Sure he was a smooth talker, a flirter, but he never had to go beyond one liners. Attention, attraction, came to him - he never had to chase it. 

So, when did he become a coward?

He didn’t. He told himself. Maybe he just hadn’t learned the rules yet. 

The red string pulled at Loki’s direction in agreement.

_ Go _ . It demanded.

He looked over to Loki who had become hyper focused on his work. The muscles on his back, visible from the tank top he wore, tensed and untensed as he worked on molding a piece of metal. 

_ You have second chance at love, Tony Stark…. _

_ I have to be clear, though, Mr. Stark, this relationship has to be completely professional. _

_...do not waste it. _

It was war.

One wire, blue wires, three. Tony steeled himself.

He didn’t know which voice to listen to, but he knew which one he wanted to. 

He rolled himself over in the chair over to Loki’s workstation. He picked up the casing that Loki wasn’t working on and in the process, his arm grazed Loki’s. Tony’s hair stood on end. His heart stopped. He braced himself for a negative reaction from Loki, a flinch, or perhaps move away from him. Loki turned his head slightly, his focus interrupted by the touch, the only indication that he had noticed Tony’s presence close by. But nothing else. He made no other reaction and returned his attention to his work.. If the proximity between them had bothered him, he didn’t make any moves against it. Tony released a bated breath. He went through the motions of fitting his wires into the casing. They fit perfectly, of course they did. There was never really any question about it, the calculations had been precise and Tony knew that. The entire thing was a ruse made up by his own mind, to trick him into moving closer to Loki. And now there he was. There was only one thing left to do. The only thing he  _ wanted  _ to do. 

Tony could feel electricity around him, around them,  _ between _ them. His heart picked up speed, like it wasn’t already on overdrive. It was a wonder Loki hadn’t heard the thuds of it against his chest. His hands continued to tremble at the anticipation. He opened and closed his fists repeatedly to try and shake the tremors off. 

“Loki,” he rasped out. His voice had left him to his own devices. 

“Hm?” Loki responded, without looking up. When Tony didn’t say anything else, Loki turned his head. “Yes, Mr. Stark?” 

And just like that, Tony’s annoyance chased his nerves away. He  _ was _ looking at Loki sort of like a lost puppy, trying to figure out his next move, but at the drop of his professional name, his gaze sharpened, a silent “asshole, you know not to call me that and you haven’t actually called me that for a while now.”

Loki read the look loud and clear. He raised an eyebrow to challenge Tony but after a beat, thought different and seceded. “Tony?” he said softer. 

“I…” Tony sighed. He shook his head slightly to get rid of the lingering nerves and gave Loki a lopsided smile. He rolled his chair even closer to Loki so that they were knee to knee. It earned him a very confused look, which for some reason knocked the wind out of him. He froze in place. How was he ever going to pull this off if every move Loki makes took his breath away?

“Tony, are you alright?” Loki asked with a low chuckle. Tony must have been a funny spectacle, frozen in place, stuck in between thoughts and nerves. “Okay, we have to finish this, stop mucking about,” which was weird for Tony to hear from an employee or a protege or whatever the hell Loki was. Loki rolled his eyes and began to roll away. 

In that moment, Tony stopped thinking. He made a grab for Loki’s arm before he could increase the distance between them. He felt Loki’s arm muscles tense under his soft grip but he ignored the way it made him feel, the way it might have made Loki feel. He ignored the possibility of Loki getting angry for doing what he was about to do and pulled him closer. His other hand, the one with the red string, reached for Loki’s face. Under the red glow, he saw and felt Loki’s jaw clench and unclench.

And then his lips were on Loki’s lips. 

Under his touch, he felt Loki’s arms tense again. Caught by surprise, perhaps, or caught in the crossfires of his thoughts like him. And then he felt Loki’s jaw welcoming him in and Loki’s taste filled his tongue. Mint and coffee. And the smell of glaciers filled his senses. Loki’s hands ghosted on his waist, gentle and tentative but no indication of resistance. It was as if Tony had just learned how to breathe. 

And then it was over. 

It was short and far from sweet and it left both of them breathless. 

They were forehead to forehead, Tony’s eyes remained closed. He had no way of knowing how Loki was reacting to this. A part of him was afraid of opening his eyes and seeing Loki’s reaction. His one hand was still on Loki’s face, his thumb running along Loki’s cheekbones. He opened his eyes just as Loki was opening his, thick, dark lashes giving way to sharp, crystalline blue eyes. They were the only thing that was clear, Loki had reverted to the unreadable expression he wore so well.

“Loki,” Tony let out a long sigh, “I’m-” sorry? Was he sorry? No he wasn’t really. “I know I wasn’t sup… I crossed the line you very clearly drew-”

Loki’s chuckle cut off his ramble. Tony didn’t know what reaction he was expecting, or what reaction he wanted, but, somehow, that wasn’t it. He was even more confused when Loki said, “It’s okay, Tony.” 

That was perhaps enough. Tony didn’t know if he would kiss Loki again, not that the latter had given him any clear hint if he could but that was tomorrow’s problem. With his non-apology out of the way, the floodgates of the post-kiss had opened and gave way to its aftershock. He reeled in euphoria and cleared him of every thought. His heart thumped to the beat of the song Loki’s blue eyes were singing.  

He smiled back at Loki.

His mind, his whole world spun.

There was a loud thud and then there was darkness.

Somewhere, far away, he heard Loki yell, “Tony!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is one of those chapters where i NEED TO KNOW what you think. because it might break or make this whole story lol . I mean i know the first half was uneventful but I had to put more gears into motion. but the last half? please talk to me, I survive on your comments haha


	13. Things We Lost In The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the kiss and of what happened to Tony

_ Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep _

_ Well, that sounded familiar. _

The sound woke Tony up, along  with a side of deja vu. His senses slowly caught up with him waking up. He groaned when pain decided to make itself known. His head felt heavy like wading through honey and was pounding with every stimulation. His stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself and every single muscle felt weak and limp The sound had been from an EKG machine, echoing his heart rate.  _ At least it sounded like he was calm. _ From what he could remember, it didn't feel like he was in a hospital room, however. There was no bleach, and disinfectant smell, and the bed was just a little too comfortable. He turned to take in where he was and he groaned again at the motion. He was somewhere more familiar; slowly, the room came into focus. The too big window, which usually sported a spectacular view, was currently blacked out. But even in the dim, he knew every detail of his own bedroom. All except one. On the chaise lounge under the window was a curled up figure under a blanket.

_ Oh you better not be dad again. _

With a grunt, he tried to sit himself up and prop himself on his elbows. It proved to be too hard and too painful that he quickly abandoned the mission. The comfort of the soft pillow catching his head caused him to groan again. The figure on the chaise stirred slowly at the sound. He’d know that black hair anywhere. 

With a rush like a tidal wave, his last memory came back to him and it took his breath away all over again. Which was odd, he supposed, because it was definitely not like he hadn’t kissed anyone before. And this one barely even lasted a minute. Still, it had split his head open to a new sensation that spilled and spread all over him. It was a kiss that was colored by fate. 

When he kissed Loki with reckless abandon, he anticipated rejection. He fully expected Loki to push him away and punch him in the face so it caught him in total surprise when instead Loki went pliant under his touch, under his lips. Instinctively, he licked his lips, trying to find the taste of Loki’s lips again, a taste he now knew he would be addicted to. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been surprised not to find anything there - no trace of Loki - just evidence of his unconsciousness on his dry, chapped lips. There was no telling how long he’d been under this time. 

“Loki?” he said weakly. His voice was hoarse from unuse but it still delivered his confusion on why the young engineer was in his bedroom.

“Hey,” came the soft reply. Loki was at his side in seconds. He sat down on the bed and took Tony’s hand in his. It was only then that Tony noticed the IV line on his hand. “How are you feeling?”

There was clear fluid running through the line on his hand and then he noticed a second IV with yellowish fluid running through higher up on his forearm. The red string connected his hand to Loki’s. He couldn’t tell at that moment because of the grogginess but it seemed like the thread had gone thinner still. 

Tony cleared his throat. “What’s going on?” It was a good blanket question. 

“You tell me,” Loki replied. There was no anger or demand in his voice, just tenderness.

“I don’t know?” Tony said but it came out more like a question than an answer. “Why are you here? Why am I here?”

“Dr. Yinsen just left. Happy is taking a break. So I got stuck with you,” Loki teased.

“Ah,” Tony said, but he didn’t really understand anything. Another groan escaped his lips as his chest decided to tighten.

“Tony, what’s the last thing you remember?” Loki was stroking the top of his hand, the red string, shorter with the distance between them, swaying playfully. Tony had never been more grateful for such a small gesture. Focusing on the feel of Loki’s skin on his was taking his attention away from the pain.

“Kissing you,” Tony smirked. “I’m not sorry about it.”

“Right,” Loki gave him a little smile too. “I really hope this wasn’t because I was such a bad kiss.” Loki suppressed a laugh, but it was in the glint of his eyes.

“What?” Tony wanted to laugh too but he was still very confused. “No. No, what happened?”

“You fainted,” Loki said matter-of-factly. 

“Okay,” Tony accepted and tried his luck at sitting up again. Talking to Loki while he was lying down was a little weird. As soon as he tried to move though, stars swam across his eyes and stabbed his brain. Okay, nevermind, he was going to have stay lying down. At least for like five minutes. “Ugh, well that explains why my head feels like it’s on fire.”

“Does it?” Loki asked and Tony caught right away what he was really asking. 

“What did Yinsen say?” Tony was curious about how much Loki knew already. 

“Not much,” Loki replied. His voice getting even softer, if that was possible, and lower. It felt like a warm hug. And then he said, “Just that you’re dying.”

“Ah,” was all Tony could say. He figured that’s what Yinsen would have told Loki to expedite the arc reactor. Still. It caught him off guard. It wasn’t how he wanted Loki to know. Well, he didn’t want Loki to know at all. 

With a sigh, Loki continued, “What’s going on, Tony?”

“I mean, it’s a little dramatic, but that pretty much sums it up,” Tony joked but Loki didn’t return the mirth. When Loki didn’t say anything else, Tony knew that he was waiting for him to explain. It was the moment of truth, and while Tony thought about avoiding it, he knew that he couldn’t. Not after he’d just kissed Loki. Honesty hour seemed like a requirement. “Is that all Yinsen said?”

“He said that he’d leave the details up to you.”

That may be what Yinsen said, but Tony, as the patient, knew what that really meant was that Yinsen couldn’t say anymore without outright permission from Tony. As far as the doctor knew, Loki was just Tony’s student,  intern, employee, whatever. It would have made more sense for Yinsen to be liberal with the details with Happy. The fact that Loki had always been more than that was a detail only Tony - and well, Rhodey- knew. And the fact that Loki kissed him back might have been validation to Tony’s claims over Loki. He thought about it for a second, how much he would say, how much details did he owe Loki, if he owed him anything at all. It wasn’t like Loki had been forthcoming with him either. But all that was pre-kiss; a kiss that, actually, Tony didn’t know how Loki felt about. Looking at his young engineer, there was genuine concern in his eyes and if Tony would allow his imagination to run rampant, he might even say that there was a fear of loss there. Could he bargain his health for Loki to open up to him? Could he trust that he had that much leverage? Or couldn’t Loki care less?

“All of this medical things in here doesn’t seem to phase you,” Tony held his hand to show his IV to Loki.

“We’re talking about you,” Loki deflected.

“Yes, but I want to talk about you, too. You think I haven’t noticed, but you came back looking paler than the moon.”

“Thank you?” Loki feigned offense. At least, Tony thought he was feigning.

“Loki,” Tony chastised.

“You didn’t look too hot yourself.”

“But you kissed back anyway,” Tony winked.

“Tony, we can’t talk about that right now. Not when there are more pressing matters that apparently you forgot to tell me,” Loki pressed the bridge of his nose.

“Fine, but we’re talking about you, too, and we’re talking about that kiss,” Tony gambled. He said it boldly, hoping that he wasn’t going to leave any room for Loki to say no. In his head, he recited  _ Please, please, please _ ,  as if it was on a rolling ticker. 

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.  _ The EKG machine echoed, which, Tony hoped Loki hadn’t notice, but it picked up speed.

Tony watched Loki’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. “Tony, tell me what’s going on.”

It wasn’t exactly affirmation but for someone as deflective as Loki, maybe it was as good as Tony was going to get. What it sounded like was a plea. 

“Remember how I told you this is slowly corroding?” Tony finally surrendered.  _ Clink, clink _ . He tapped on his old chest piece. As much as he wanted to see how Loki would react to the information, there was a part of him that didn’t want to see pity from him. So he looked straight up into the ceiling while he told Loki. He could feel the heat of Loki’s gaze on him, a silent calling for him to look back, but he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. “It’s a little faster than what I made you believe. I guess,” he continued.. “Which, Yinsen and I had on hand, but it’s persistent. If I wasn’t going to die by poisoning, I was going to die by malnutrition. It’s making my body reject sustenance.” He closed his eyes in conclusion.

“You hadn’t eaten.” It wasn’t a question.

“Not for lack of trying.”

“It explains the fainting. The doctor couldn’t have advised on something easier to keep down?”

“He didn’t know about the throwing up. Just the corrosion.”

“Which is why you needed the arc reactor,” Loki concluded.

“Mhm,” Tony hummed in agreement.

“Why didn’t you tell me? That seemed like a crucial piece of information.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Tony downplayed.

“Tony Stark,” Loki responded sternly.

He looked at Loki then- Loki who held nothing but consternation in the pools of his eyes. The look that he was afraid to see but the look he secretly craved from him. He knew he wouldn't have wanted to see anger or indifference there. “I don’t know, Loki.” He took his hand out of Loki’s and touched Loki’s face. He traced the sharp edges of Loki’s cheekbones and jawline. Something he’d recently found to be oddly comforting. Loki closed his eyes to the touch. “Maybe I was afraid, you know?”

Loki’s eyes shot open. “Afraid of me using the information against you? I’m not like that.”

Tony shook his head and instantly regretted the pain the movement brought on. That was a frightening idea, but never in a million years had the thought of Loki betraying him like that had ever crossed his mind. The truth was scarier still. “Afraid of you not caring.”

Loki took hold of Tony’s wrist. “You should’ve told me. It’s a literal deadline.”

“It’s not like you were being forthcoming either.” Maybe it was the wrong thing to say, maybe it didn’t matter to Loki if it was. But Tony wanted answers too. And unlike Loki, perhaps, he’d wanted them from the very beginning.

“That’s true,” Loki said. “But you were my boss, and you had no obligation to care. I, however, am obligated to know if I had a deadline”

“Maybe I didn’t, but I do and I had hoped I made that clear since Day One.”

“The reactor is in its final stages,” Loki said in response. It didn’t escape Tony that Loki had ignored his comment. Nor had he actually admitted if he cared/ “I’m finishing the assembly.”

“Already?” Tony said in both shock and awe. It overshadowed his dismay. “How long was I out?”

“Just a couple of days. But forgive me for not waiting for you, it seemed rather pertinent to finish it.”

“Did you stay in the lab? We were making headway but there was still quite a lot of build.”

“I made good use of your cot, yes,” Loki said plainly with a smile that was meant to erase the furrows on Tony’s brows. “Jarvis had been very kind to see to my needs here.”

But the furrows were there to stay. This wasn’t what he wanted Loki to do, the job he had for him was never meant to be a source of stress, but rather to give Loki space to explore his skills. “Your classes? Your,” family, Tony was going to say, remember Loki’s brief absence because of the emergency, “other stuff?” he said instead.

“It’s only two days, it wasn’t a problem, Tony. The reactor couldn’t wait.  _ You  _ couldn’t wait. Not in the state you’re in,” Loki reassured.

“I’m fine,” Tony replied, and if he had the energy to swat his hand, he would. But he wasn’t really fine and everything hurt. “And we’re done talking about me, which means we’re now going to talk about you.”

“Well, I’m not dying,” Loki offered a weak smile. 

“Thank goodness for that, it would be wholly unfortunate and weirdly coincidental if we both were.”

Loki let out laugh that didn’t quite reach his eyes but didn’t say anything else.

“I’m serious, Loki,” Tony pressed.

“All right, tit for tat I suppose,” Loki’s face had turned morose, like what he was about to say had left a bad taste in his mouth. “The day I had to leave,” he started slowly. He still had Tony’s wrist in his hand and he began gently stroking the side of it with his thumbs. Maybe to placate Tony, maybe to calm his own nerves. “I had to rush to the hospital. Someone I love is very sick and had gone to critical condition and I was the only one who could help.” He paused again, the pain of his statements visible in his expressions and the way he refused to look directly at Tony. “I had to donate my bone marrow to her.”

_ Someone I love. Her.  _ The words reverberated in Tony’s chest in the worst possible way. He became acutely aware that he should have had more sympathy for Loki and whoever was “her” who was suffering but jealousy and selfishness reared their ugly heads. He’d known about her, of course, had known from Thor that Loki had loved her too but to hear the words from Loki shattered him. He, who was also halfway through death’s door, but he, who would probably never hear Loki say he loved him. 

Tony cleared his throat, to clear the pain, but it didn’t work. When he opened his mouth to speak, his voice still cracked. “That’s why you looked a little pale.”

Loki nodded, still refusing to look at him. Maybe he knew what the words had meant to Tony. Maybe he said it that way on purpose. “Part of the recovery process. I’m fairly used to it.”

“Used to it? How often do you do this?”

“Like I said, she’s very ill, and I am the only one who could help her.”

“Come on,” Tony said aghast. He couldn’t believe the plain resignation and acceptance in Loki’s voice. “There’s got to be-”

But Loki cut him off. And what Loki said to cut him off, was one hundred percent effective. It was cruel. Tony stopped mid-sentence - mid-thought -  _ mid-life _ . Tony stopped period. Tony thought he had heard the worst from the four words that Loki had said earlier but he was wrong. The same three words obliterated him in the moment. 

“I love her.”

There was ice in Loki’s voice and steel in his eyes. If Loki was trying to shut him up and shut down the conversation, he had succeeded. Tony stilled, forgetting how to make his heart beat again for a minute as he felt it crumble to dust in his chest. The impact of it was like canons blowing holes into his lungs, preventing him from breathing properly. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but it seemed like the red string had unraveled once more in front of his eyes. But it was quick and miniscule, he couldn’t be sure. The string was still intact, after all, fringes were there, sure, but intact nonetheless. It. wasn’t. supposed. to. break.  He couldn’t process any of it. The only thought that echoed in the hollows of his mind were Loki’s three words. His vision dimmed, and his entire felt numb. He could no longer feel the warmth where Loki still held his wrist, or the bed under him. All he felt was the ice cold burn of those words.

There was a knock on the door. Jarvis chimed in, “Pardon the interruption, sir, Mr. Odinson, Happy has returned. Shall I send him away?”

Before Tony, whose reflexes were already slower than swimming through quicksand to begin with and had been slowed down even more with Loki’s revelations, could answer, Loki said, “Get some rest, Tony,” and kissed him on the forehead. “No, Jarvis, let him in, I have some work to finish in the lab.”

Loki stood up and walked away from Tony then, just as the door opened. Tony was powerless to stop him. 

“Hey, Boss,” Happy said. “Welcome back. Thanks, Loki. I got you some coffee, it’s on the kitchen counter.”

Loki quietly nodded in response and walked out the door.

 

**\----------Loki----------**

 

Loki’s hand shook on the doorknob as he pulled the door closed. His whole body continued to shake as he took to the steps all the way down to the lab. He felt sick to his stomach.  _ I had to say it, I had to tell him. _ Loki repeated the words in his mind like a creed. He was trying to convince himself that what he had done wasn’t vicious and that it was actually an act of mercy. He should make a point to make a clean break now, before it progressed beyond a kiss. All he’d done was set Tony free, and he’d thank him for it later. But the look on Tony’s eyes, those distinct brown eyes that always, always told Tony’s truth no matter what words came out of his mouth,  showed Tony wasn’t just  _ broken, _ he was  _ decimated _ and it was Loki who destroyed him. Multi Billionaire mogul, playboy, and engineering genius, untouchable by the rest of the world, looked up at him with agony in his eyes, agony that he’d caused. And as Loki watched Tony’s soul rip to shreds, a part of his own heart shattered too. Out of all the mistakes that Loki had made, this was one he both regretted and didn’t. Despite his efforts, he had led Tony on to a hopeless ending and he had to admit to himself that perhaps he wasn’t trying that hard to dissuade Tony. He shouldn’t have kissed him and yet, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wanted it too; that somewhere deep inside of him he craved it. The playful taunts and flirtations between them had triggered his own deep desires specific to Tony Stark. From that moment on the rooftop, when the idea was born inside him that he could easily just lean forward and Tony’s lips would welcome his with fervor that could rival the sun, he hadn’t stopped thinking about it. Nor had he stopped thinking about when it actually happened. How his mouth fit exactly into Tony’s and the heady rhythm the kiss had taken was the song that Loki had been missing in his life. In that moment, the world stopped spinning and time stood still, waiting for them. He thought for a millisecond that he shouldn’t, but as his tongue found the taste of coffee, his mind stopped thinking and he was just as addicted. The smell of soap and ember, like a sword being forged in a fire, replaced every coherent thought in his head. It took every bit of his energy just to keep his wits about him - to stop drinking Tony Stark in. 

That was why he was still here, that was why he was at Tony’s bedside. Because he couldn’t fight it. He needed to, but if he was being honest with himself, did he want to? The arc reactor was almost finished, he could have finished it. But the arc reactor was the reason he was in Stark’s company and he couldn’t let that excuse go. He had to be there, he had to bask in Tony Stark’s sun. But now Tony was dying, and as much as he needed for time to work with Tony, he wouldn’t have it if Tony lost his life. 

He reprimanded himself. He had to remind himself that he couldn’t allow himself to fall for Tony Stark. Save Tony’s life and get out. For what it was worth, he meant what he said when he told him he wanted to keep the relationship professional. He wasn’t there to fall prey to Tony’s charms and for a second he wondered if everyone who worked closely with the genius felt the way he did now. He thought back to Pepper Potts and made himself recognize that she wasn’t the first. 

Even knowing that he wasn’t special, he couldn’t shake the small flame that was trying so hard to spark within him.  _ Think of her _ .  _ Think of her _ , t _ hink of her _ , t _ hink of her _ . He said it with every breath. He didnt lie to Tony just to be cruel,, he loved her, he loved her enough to destroy someone else, and himself with it. Right now there was only room for one person in Loki’s heart and it was hers. So right now, like all the other hopefuls, he had to break Tony’s heart. He’d done it before, why did it hurt him this time too? Was it selfish? Was it unfair? Maybe. Maybe it was only so because he found his heart split in two this time. And it was unfair to both her and Tony. 

_ Fuck, Tony Stark, what have you done to me? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, if you're in the US and you celebrate it, Happy Thanksgiving!! One thing Im definitely thankful for are you guys who are still here reading this and helping me somewhat get some writing experience and enduring this guinea pig of a story.   
> Second, Im sorry. I am. but also not really because i love a good angst haha (and how fitting that ch 13 has teh angst huh? i didn't do that on purpose lol)  
> Lastly, Loki's thoughts weren't supposed to be here. this wasn't how i wanted to introduce his point of view and it wasn't supposed to be until later on. but alas, I couldnt make the chapter work and it went through multiple re-writes and this is the best i could do. so here are some telling Loki thoughts.   
> enjoy! <3


	14. Shiver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She" is revealed

Tony cursed the Red String in his head. If Loki was meant for him, then why did it seem like he was always walking away from him. Tony hoped sleep would come swiftly and save him from his thoughts.  _ I love her _ . Those words were daggers and they felt worse than dying. 

Unfortunately, sleep wasn’t what Happy had in mind for him. After asking him “are you okay?” thirty different ways, his head of security whose worry probably emanated all the way up to outer space, took it upon himself to check him over and made sure all his medical needs were in working order. He needed to be alone, and yet, he didn’t want to be. There was a hollow in him, a newly formed void, joining together with the other void that everybody else left in him. Right now, all he was was a black hole. So he needed Happy there, but he needed a quiet Happy. Tony tried to order to him to stop fussing but Happy had been adamant about how health was under the “safety” umbrella and as his security, he was in charge of all things safety.

“You can’t shoot being sick, Happy. You literally can’t protect me from this, you’re not medicine.”

“It’s my job, to keep you alive boss,” Happy replied pointedly as he checked and rechecked to make sure Tony’s IV pump had sufficient fluids in them. “You not dying is literally what that translates to. I may not be medicine, but I have some. Do you want any? Are you in pain? The doc told me exactly what and how much to give you so-”

“Happy, shut up,” he said because otherwise, Happy wouldn’t and his headache only grew with each fussing “I think I just need more sleep.” 

“I don’t know about that, boss,” and he wasn’t wrong. More sleep wouldl probably just make him weaker, but his thoughts were so loud that not even Happy could drown them out. Instead, it joined the other voices in Tony’s head like jeers from spectators in an arena fight, and Tony was a gladiator against ten lions. Happy’s concerns, no matter how well meaning, were now  more annoying than endearing. Tony thought they were misplaced too- he was weak, not truly sick. His body hadn’t gotten the sustenance it needed but the IV nutrients were taking care of that. 

Instead of dignifying Happy with an answer though, he just looked pointedly at him. It wasn’t at all effective at getting his message across because Happy was not looking out the window. This was his fifth time checking the surroundings since he’d gotten in the room - and he was only in the room for maybe twenty minutes. This was more paranoid than normal Happy; it piqued his curiosity. And maybe, just maybe, it was a distraction he needed. “What’s going on, Happy?” 

“Everything is fine, boss,” which was not at all convincing.

“Happy.” 

“Okay,” Happy said as he began to sit down on the chair next to the bed. He was never really good at not sharing his safety and security concerns. “I didn’t want to tell you right now, boss, on account of,” he waved his hands to Tony’s bedridden body which Tony supposed meant his current health status, “but I got Jarvis’ scans of the two men who followed you home. He sent me everything he could find which helped me dig more and ask about them,” he paused.

“Well whaddaya want? A cookie? Keep going.” Nobody said, asking for more trouble was a healthy coping mechanism, but nobody said that Tony was a champion of healthy coping either.

“I thought you wanted to sleep.”

“Happy, I swear.”  _ Please, please, please drown out Loki’s words. _

“Okay, but I want you to know I have people on this okay? They won’t get to you.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m just waiting to see which will come first, death or the information you found.”

“Right, boss, sorry,” Happy proceeded to pull out his own tablet which had the two thugs on the screen. He showed them to Tony. “These two guys, aka Blacklash and Blizzard,” he pointed to the two beasts he caught on the security cameras, “have ties to the Ten Rings, which is one of the most notorious underground crime syndicate. They have majority of control over drugs, illegal weapons and prostitution in the city. And get this, one of the companies that fund them is called Hypersonic, one of Hammer’s shell companies. You know the “entertainment” that Hammer is infamous for? He’d been using Hypersonic to buy them from the Ten Rings. Right now it’s unclear whether it’s Hammer or the Ten Rings who sent these guys after you, but neither are happy about you busting their transaction.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” Tony said quietly as he processed the information. What was another threat on his life at this point? If he was panicking about it, he could no longer tell. He’d been in such a state that his emotions felt like it was in complete tetanus. But he knew, no matter how much he joked about Happy being a goof, he knew he could and would get the job done of keeping him safe. It was part of the reason why he always gave the big lug the slip. Happy was too good at his job and if Happy would get his way, Tony probably would never have any fun. He was one of the few people he had utter complete faith in. Because of Happy, he was still alive. Because he kept giving Happy the slip, well...

“You shouldn’t have gone for a walk without me, boss,” Happy chastised.

“Not now, mom,” Tony groaned. Mostly because he knew Happy had a point. The moment he sic’ed the police on Hammer and busted his involvement with human trafficking and prostitution, he’d painted a larger target on his back. But he also knew that if he was to go back in time, he would do the same thing over again. His conscience would never had let him let Hammer get away with that garbage act. He knew he’d turn Hammer from a pestilence into a bigger monster of an enemy when he exposed him and it wouldn’t be a far off guess to say he would want his head. But he was too small fry for the Ten Rings to worry about. If anything, he would say that Hammer hired the Ten Rings to go after him. Whatever Twiddle-dee and Twiddle-dum were doing that day they followed, all the evidence and information that Happy gathered about the two thugs seem to point in one direction: someone was after him. 

Someone wanted him dead.  _ Well, get in line. _ He was already dying from the very thing that’s trying to save his life.

Still the loudest echo in his head was,  _ I love her.  _ And that might be what could actually succeed in killing him.

 

* * *

 

“Jarv, is Loki here?,” Tony sat up on the edge of his bed. He hadn’t left his room since he fainted, not by choice, his body was still playing catch up. The IV nutrients had helped with the weakness, which slowly got him back on his feet with minimal nausea. But it hadn’t helped with the coffee craving. Or the Loki one. He hadn’t spoken to him since Loki dropped that bombed, but Jarvis had said he had been in the lab from time to time - presumably when he wasn’t at school but hadn’t returned to his room to check on him when he was awake. Tony found out that Loki would occasionally relieve Happy of Tony-sitting duties at night when he was fast asleep. Loki was clearly keeping his distance and Tony couldn’t figure out what to do about it. He was farther away from the young engineer than when they first met at Hammer’s party and all he could do was replay the past few days in his head over and over again.

“No, sir,” his AI replied. “I believe Mr. Odinson has a class at this time.”

“Is Happy here?”

“Mr. Hogan is in the security center, sir. Is there anything I can assist you with or shall I call him up?”

“No, just checking,” he was grateful that Happy had eased up on insisting he stay in his room until he fully recovered - thanks to Dr. Yinsen who explained that if Tony didn’t use his muscles st close to normal capacity, there would be a risk of atrophy. He only confined his movements in his room in the spirit of not giving Happy a heart attack. The caffeine withdrawal headache however, had no qualms about Happy’s feelings and if Tony were to survive, he needed to get his hands and his body on a cup of a red eye. Maybe a green eye. He got on his feet and an internal high pitched ringing split across his head. 

It took seven years but he managed to get to the kitchen and to the coffee maker with minimal slumping. While he waited for his coffee, he grabbed his tablet to check on stuff fainting had forced him to leave behind. Three thousand plus emails sound about right. He poured coffee on top of his three shots of espresso and made his way - still slowly - to the living room. Normally, he would have made his way to the lab but the living room already proved too far and his heart was still sore from Loki’s words. He didn’t know what it would do to him to come down there, be reminded of Loki’s presence and of his avoidance. 

He forwarded most of the emails to his secretary to care of, along with a brief and very vague explanation for his absence. It wasn’t unheard of and his secretaries were used to this sort of thing, although this time, instead of a one night stand that turned into a weekend or a week long alcohol party binge, it was just a really long forced nap. The one email he took care of himself was the reply to his “Smash” message. The word “Purple” came back which meant that it was safe to establish communication. Immediately, Tony began coding for a secure messaging portal to send to Bruce. It was a slow and tedious process of communication between them with lots of waiting games in between but it was the only way that Banner would agree to being connected at all. The world had branded him a monster, and he wasn’t keen on the world finding him. Had the reply been “Green,” Tony would have been forced to drop the communication attempt and would have to try again later. He was glad to receive purple, to take his mind off the fact that his arc reactor project was drawing to a close and shift it to the perfection of his nanotech.

“Sir,” Jarvis chimed.

“Hold that thought, Jarv, almost done,” he was fully absorbed on his coding, his brain cells relishing some exercise that he lost concept of how long he had been in the living room. Even if coding work was child’s play to him, however, he hated stopping unfinished.

“I think, sir, you would like to know that Mr. Odinson-” Just then, the front door locks beeped and Loki was stepping through the door drenched from the rain that apparently was raging outside. 

“Jarvis, please send my apologies to Happy for going through the front door. I know he hasn’t cared as of late but I don’t know if he had to do some security stuff for it being accessed,” Loki hadn’t turned around to notice Tony sitting on the couch yet watching him. He was busy getting himself in order and getting out of his drenched outerwear. “I’d have used the lab door, but it’s a longer walk ‘round the sde. And I’ll take care of this,” he pointed to the puddle he left by the door next to his extracted boots. 

“Don’t worry about it, I have people for that,” Tony finally said.

Loki was running his hand through his hair, drops of rain falling from the tendrils as he brushed through the inky black when Tony spoke. He stopped short and tensed before allowing himself to turn around slowly, like thief caught red handed in the middle of the night.

“Tony,” Loki said in a low whisper, a severe contrast to how he had talked to Jarvis just a second before. It sounded like a breath escaping… or dread dawning.

“Hi,” Tony cocked his head and attempted a smile.

“You’re out of bed,” Loki pointed out.  

“And you’re soaking wet.”

“It’s raining like it’s London out there,” he pointed a finger at the door. “I’ll clean this up,” he said and started to walk away from the conversation towards the kitchen,

“I said don’t worry about it.”

“Right,” he stood awkwardly in indecision only making a foot of distance from the door. “How- how are you feeling?” he said finally after a beat all the while looking uncomfortable.

“Better, I think,” Tony said. He didn’t know how to go about this conversation either. He could tell Loki wanted to leave, but was bound by politeness to stay. Tony was torn between letting him go and wanting him to stay, between demanding an explanation and letting the situation be because he didn’t want to chase Loki away. Not again. But it hurt to have him here too, close and far away. 

“You look horrible,”  Loki couldn’t have missed  his extremely disheveled bedhead hair, overgrown beard, and his grey sweatpants look.

A smirk fought its way on Tony’s face. “You look like a wet cat.”

“Better a cat than a sasquatch,” Loki smiled then too. “I gott-”

Tony knew Loki was going to try and escape him and he knew he should let him go but his impulses always got the better of him. Before he could stop himself, he heard himself say, “Coffee?”

“No, thank you,” Loki said hesitantly but with a polite smile.

Tony set his tablet down on his side. Loki watched his movements. Tony slowly got to his feet and didn’t miss the way Loki tensed. He decided to test it. He started to walk towards Loki. If Loki truly, wanted to leave, he could; Tony moved slower than molasses, burdened by the tightened muscles of being in bed. Loki didn’t leave, but he did take a step back.

“Tony,” he said, a hint of warning in his voice,  _ don’t come any closer _ , it screamed.

“What?” Tony kept moving forward, Loki held up his hands like a shield.

“I-”

“What, Loki?” annoyance rang in Tony’s voice in retaliation. “All of a sudden, you can’t stand to be in the same room with me?”

“It’s not,” Loki began in an exasperated sigh. He shoved his hands in his pockets before continuing, softening his voice, “it’s not that. It’s never that,”

The words halted Tony in his tracks. It was only then that Tony recognized the pained expression on Loki’s face. He had been too focused on himself that he read Loki wrong. “Then what? Because I’m so confused. You kiss me, but apparently there’s a whole other person, and now you won’t even hold a conversation with me. You won’t even look at me in the eye.”

Loki shifted on his feet. “You know why, Tony.”

“Not enough. It doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit!” Losing his temper caused him to lose his balance. He started to fall sideways but Loki’s arms were under his in a flash. Suddenly, Loki’s scent filled his senses, mixed in and enhanced by the wet of the rain. He was still damp in places, and when Tony’s skin made contact, Loki’s wet shirt felt like an insufficient barrier between skins. “Bullshit,” he said softer into Loki’s ear. 

Loki didn’t respond and guided both of them onto the couch. He helped Tony sit and then, to Tony’s surprise, sat down next to him. He created a distance between them, but still, he sat down. “Are you alright?”

“No,” Tony answered honestly. Physically, yes, he was, but emotionally he was raging. “I feel like I should say, ‘I shouldn’t have kissed you,’ because that’s where this seemed to have fallen apart. But it would be a lie. I don’t want to take it back, despite what I know, despite what you said. It doesn’t change my feelings for you. I just need to know what I can do to fix this.”

Loki took to staring at his hands, his fingers intertwined together resting on his lap. “There’s nothing to fix, except for your reactor, which is the only reason why I’m even here. You can’t have feelings for me, I’m just an intern.”

“But I do, and you’re not. You know you’re not.”

“Please stop saying that.”

“I can’t. It’s the truth,” Tony gestured to reach for Loki’s hand but stopped when he recoiled. Loki tried to cover it up, but it was too obvious.

“You have to,” Loki turned his head to him then and looked at him square in the eye. “Tony, it’s killing me, what I feel for you. Knowing how fiercely you reciprocate it and knowing that I can’t and I mustn’t react on it. You want to know why I’ve been avoiding you? It’s not because I can’t stand to be in the same room as you it’s because it’s all I want to do. All I want is to hold you and feel your skin on mine, to feel the burn of your lips on mine but I can’t,” his voice cracked on the word. “What I feel for you is consuming me, slowly but surely, like a fire I can’t put out. And I tried, fuck, I tried. I even hurt you deliberately so you’d hate me. Because if you hate me then it would be easier.”

“So you lied to me?”

“No,” Loki said. “Not entirely. I do love her.”

“Okay,” a lump formed in his throat, There were those words again.  _ That was that, _ he thought.

“But I mislead you on who she is. I’m sorry, Tony, I regretted hurting you like that. That what one of the reasons I couldn’t face you.”

Something bubbled up inside Tony. He felt the pull of the red string on his finger, like it was saying it was still there for a reason. He didn’t know what to say to Loki. He should have been mad, he supposed Loki was right in that he should have hated him but he didn’t. Loki just told him how he felt about him, how their feelings mirrored each other and yet, under all that, he also needed to know why Loki had been fighting so hard to keep him away. He didn’t know which one to address first. So he deferred, the best way he knew how.

“Please tell me why I’m not kissing you yet.”

“Tony,” Loki warned.

“Just tell me.”

“Please understand that it won’t change anything. I still can’t-”

“Please, Loki.” 

“It’s pretty heavy shit, and not one I care to share with just anyone.

“You’re stalling.”

“Right,” Loki cleared his throat. He fidgeted with his hands. “Let me start at the beginning. You said before, Thor and I don’t look the same.” Tony nodded in acknowledgement. “I’m… adopted, you see. And before you say, it doesn’t matter, in this particular story, it does. Our mother is dying. Battling cancer for years, even before I was born. She needed numerous transplants, bone marrow, mostly, to stay half a step ahead of the cancer and finding donors is not as easy as television shows make it out to be. Thor is not a match and most of the family are inaccessible. It’s also not cheap. Which explains why Thor was allowed to do what he does, though my mother doesn’t know anything about it,” he paused. Perhaps giving Tony time to respond. When he didn’t, he continued, “Later on, my father had made it known to me his true purpose for my adoption. My mother and my brother - Thor - had protested over the years but I, myself, had accepted my fate. In return, my father had allowed me to pursue whatever I had wanted, as long as I remain healthy for my mother’s sake. The family emergency that time I had to leave, my mother’s levels had gone dangerously low. Even now, she’s barely over the threshold. I had to give her some of my marrow,” Loki took a beat and without any sadness in his voice he said, “You see, Tony, I am spare parts for my mother.”

There was a long pause of silence between them as Tony processed the information. Loki waited for him patiently to come to terms with it. There was a small smile on his face, a smile of defeat, of resignation. 

“That is  _ seriously _ messed up, Loki! You can’t possi-”

“Tony,” Loki said to quiet him down. “It’s okay. It’s my choice. I love my mother, that’s the entire truth. I love her more than my own life and I would willingly give it to her if she were to ask for it. But she won’t. I wish she would, but she won’t. Nonetheless, it’s hers.”

“What your father did-”

“Was born out of love for my mother. He adopted me to save the love of his life, yes, but also for my mother to love. Whatever the motive was, it’s been my decision for sometime now.”

“How can you live just to die?” 

“No commitments,” Loki said plainly.

“Is that why you were adamant about not having any relationship? About pushing me away? No commitments?”

“Partly, yes. I can’t lose two people, Tony. Sooner or later, I am going to die so my mother could live. I find, I can’t be selfish with it and I always end up thinking about her and what it would mean for my forfeit if I allowed someone else to own my heart. I’ve made my peace with that decision and I can’t let anything complicate it. It already hurts knowing I’d leave behind one person, my decision can’t be torn when the time comes,” the sadness that rang out from Loki’s voice was cutting. Tony felt it wrap around his heart like a barbed wire. “But the other part is you, Tony. Your reputation precedes you and I can’t be torn to pieces by you.”

“That’s not fair,” Tony defended.

“Is it not?”

“Okay, a little bit,” and Tony couldn’t deny that. He left broken hearts in his wake like jet stream trails from a fighter plane. And he didn’t care about them or what it meant for his reputation at the time. But dying had changed things for him. Losing Pepper had changed things for him. The Red String had changed things for him. Loki had changed  _ him _ . Pepper had showed him how it was to lose someone, how it felt for his heart to break, truly break. And he knew, with his whole being, his whole soul, that losing Pepper wouldn’t compare to losing Loki. And yet, if it meant being with Loki even for a short time, he’d risk it. What he felt for Pepper, though undeniably he had loved her, wasn’t even a fraction of a fraction of what he felt for Loki. “I care about you, Loki.”

”You shouldn’t.”

“You care about me.”

“I shouldn’t either.”

“I don’t know if you know this,” Tony scooted closer to Loki, “But I’m also dying. So, your argument that you’re leaving me behind, I mean it’s kind of moot, isn’t it?”

Loki smiled at Tony’s optimism. “I can fix you.”

“Maybe later, sure,” Tony said, “but the reactor isn’t even complete and really, this whole nausea poison thing has a good chance of killing me first.”

“I could finish the reactor sooner than you think and have you on the operating table just as fast,” This time, he dared to put his hand on Tony’s cheek, Tony leaned into the touch.. “And then I’ll be out of your life and you can move on to someone who is less committed to death.”

Tony wrapped his hand around Loki’s wrist. He stared into Loki’s eyes, long and hard, willing him to take the statement back. But it was clear there that Loki had no intention of doing so. They were dangerously close now, from this distance, Tony could see traces of fatigue on Loki’s face. Evidences of him fighting a battle, like how the skin around his eyes were puffy or that the whites of his eyes still had traces of red in them. “Do you really think your role in my life is so little?”

“Tony, I am first and foremost your employee. Feelings be damned.”

“I’ll refuse the reactor, then you’ll lose me first.”

Loki sighed. “Please don’t say things like that Tony.”

“Someone else wants me dead too anyway,” Tony shrugged.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Kiss me.”

Tony thought Loki would hesitate, would be shocked at his command but he wasn’t. Instead, Tony found himself to be the one in shock when Loki closed the distance between them and within seconds he was tasting Loki’s tongue with his own. Loki kissed him differently from the first time they kissed. This one felt like a wildfire catching a fever, burning hotter and hotter and laying destruction in its wake but it didn’t care. Loki kissed him like he had finally been given permission to. Loki pulled at him, pulled at his shirt, trying to bring him closer. But his muscles were still weak, despite the surge of adrenaline, and still refused to move in real time. Loki broke the kiss to immediately remedy the distance by straddling him. Having better access to it, Tony turned his kisses onto Loki’s neck. Loki’s fingers curled into Tony’s hair when he started to nip at the area where Loki’s neck met his shoulder blade. It earned him a moan, so low, so guttural, so  _ hungry.  _

He slipped his hands under Loki’s shirt and splayed his fingers flat against his back. The skin contact sent shivers all over Tony’s body. A ball of heat started to form just below his abdomen, by now Loki must feel his ever growing hard on, his sweatpants was hardly reliable at keeping it concealed and constrained. He felt Loki’s muscles dance under his fingers as his tongue led a trail in Loki’s neck. Fueled by Loki’s moans, Tony moved to pull Loki’s shirt off over his head. 

“Tony,” Loki breathed in protest, knowing full well where this was headed.

“What, it’s wet,” Tony reasoned between his own heavy breaths.

“Okay,” Loki conceded and slipped his tongue into Tony’s mouth without further contest. 

Tony fully welcomed him in, drank him in, inhaled him. Loki’s tongue was magic in his mouth and it drove him crazy wild thinking what it could do to other parts of his body. His fingers curled and left a trail of scratch on Loki’s back. Loki moaned in the kiss, his voice like chocolate over Tony’s tongue. Addicted to the moans, Tony tried to coax another one by biting Loki’s lower lip and he succeeded. 

Loki moaned.

And then he growled.

The next thing Tony knew, Loki was pinning him down on the couch. His shirt was off in seconds,, before he could even think about the scars that ravaged his chest and the reactor, Loki’s lips were back on his like they never left. And then it was Loki’s turn to make him moan. Loki trailed kisses down his jawline, and then his neck. Loki looked up at him before moving lower, asking for permission to continue but all Tony had for him were indecipherable sounds of desire. So Loki continued his voyage on Tony’s skin. He kissed the scars on his chest around the old chest piece, his hands like compass mapping Tony’s skin and direction of his kisses. Soon Loki’s lips were on the space below Tony’s belly button, just above his waistband. 

Loki paused then. To tease? To think? To second guess? Tony didn’t know, all he knew was that his mind was in a frenzy. Loki looked up at him, and Tony saw in those eyes that burned like blue flame, mischief like he’d never seen before.

“Loki,” he managed to rasp out.

An orison.

A creed.

A plea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you were right about "her" and yes, the last chapter was meant to throw you off :P   
> i'm not sure about the story pacing now, i feel like i'm either going too fast or too slow T__T   
> also i shouldnt be allowed to write steamy stuff because idk how to do it right x__X but i hope this was satisfactory for now <3

**Author's Note:**

> here comes the "please give me feedback idk what im doing i dont really write" spiel -- but i promise it's true and sincere so please please tell me what you think, thank youuu


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